Episode 509
Two miles out: Cleveland’s new ‘Gulf’ and map drama for days
Cleveland just declared part of Lake Erie the “Gulf of Cleveland,” and yeah — the city council voted 13 to 1 to slap that name on the water, stretching two miles out from the shoreline. I’m telling you, it’s mostly a tongue-in-cheek dig at all the renaming drama, but they’re actually gonna send it to Apple and Google and try to update the maps — crowdsourcing geography, baby. We riff on how every city will want a piece of the ocean now — Sea of Detroit, Lake Chicago, Gulf of Pulaski County — cartographers everywhere sipping whiskey. We also dig into this goofy International Body of Water Registry thing — someone named a puddle “Lake Melissa” for $50 and got a “certificate of authenticity,” which my wife supposedly loved (or pretended to). Then we spiral into naming mop buckets and bathtubs — Tubby Roosevelt, Pale McCartney, Pooley Eilish — because why not make every wet thing officially ours?
Takeaways:
- We joked that Cleveland declared part of Lake Erie the 'Gulf of Cleveland' as a silly rebrand.
- I said the city council passed it tongue-in-cheek, taking a playful jab at renaming fights and outrage.
- We fantasized about crowdsourcing geography, imagining Detroit, Chicago, and tiny puddles all getting official names and certificates.
- I teased that people will name every water spot, from bathtubs to bird baths, for fun and profit someday.
- We laughed about the International Body of Water Registry selling certificates, me naming puddles 'Lake Melissa' as a gag.
- I joked we'll have maps updated by Apple and Google while cartographers sip whiskey and quietly cringe.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And Cleveland, Ohio has now decided that part of Lake Erie is instead the Gulf of Cleveland.
Speaker A:Because apparently we've entered the era where every body of water needs a rebrand.
Speaker A:The city council passed this thing 13 to 1.
Speaker A:It covers the section of Lake Erie along Cleveland's shoreline and goes two miles out into the lake.
Speaker A:And yes, of course, this is the.
Speaker A:This is mostly a joke.
Speaker A:It's the council, men and women with a tongue in cheek response to recent geographic renaming fights or occurrences.
Speaker A:But they're actually going to send this into Apple and Google and say, hey, update the map.
Speaker A:Which I think is kind of fantastic.
Speaker A:I mean, now we're just essentially crowdsourcing geography.
Speaker A:At this rate, every city with any kind of water is going to claim something.
Speaker A:Detroit gets the Sea of Detroit.
Speaker A:Chicago gets Lake Chicago.
Speaker A:Little Rock renames the Arkansas river the Gulf of Pulaski County.
Speaker A:Beaver Lake could have a bunch of gulfs on it before it's all said and done.
Speaker A:Somewhere a cartographer is just drinking straight from the bottle.
Speaker A:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker A:Or maybe, you know, actually, this is probably a massive opportunity.
Speaker A:You got the.
Speaker A:You got the people who do this.
Speaker A:You can name stars.
Speaker A:So why can't you rename anything covered in H2O?
Speaker A:Put yourself on the map by officially naming a water mass near you with the International Bot Body of Water Registry.
Speaker B:For my anniversary, I named a puddle on our patio for my wife, Lake Melissa.
Speaker B:And we'll send you a certificate of authenticity.
Speaker B:She was so surprised and couldn't believe I wasted $50.
Speaker B:Retention basins, rain barrels, bird baths, renamed forever.
Speaker B:Next, I'm gonna name my bathtub after my favorite President.
Speaker A:Tubby Roosevelt will officially register all water gathering.
Speaker B:Receptacles.
Speaker B:And I'll name my mop bucket favorite musician, Pale McCartney.
Speaker B:The international body of Water Registry.
Speaker B:Because if the President can do it, why can't you?
Speaker B:Hey, kids.
Speaker B:Your kiddie pool is now called Pooley Eilish.
Speaker B:You should have gone with Pooler Swift.
