Episode 427
Morning 6-Pack - The Wackiest Ways to Get Out of Jury Duty
Morning 6-Pack - The Funniest Ways to Get Out of Jury Duty Alright, folks, let’s face it: jury duty is about as exciting as watching paint dry on a rainy day. This week, we're diving into the wacky world of courtroom escape tactics! Get ready for a countdown of the six most hilarious phrases you can throw out there to dodge that summons. From therapy cobras to explosive diarrhea, we've got all the absurdity you need to keep you out of that stuffy jury box. And trust me, you’ll wanna stick around for the final entry—it's a doozy that’ll have you questioning your entire existence! So grab your coffee and let’s jump into this wild ride!
Takeaways:
- In this episode, we dive into the hilarious world of jury duty and what makes it a dreaded event for most folks.
- We discover that a surprising number of people are actually willing to serve on juries, which totally blew our minds!
- Haystack shares six ridiculous excuses you can use to get out of jury duty—trust us, you don’t wanna miss these!
- Did you know that Midwesterners are the most likely to want to serve on juries? We break down the stats and it’s a real hoot!
- The baby boomers are all about that jury duty life—who knew they loved civic duty and laminated badges so much?
- We wrap things up with a wild number one excuse for getting dismissed from jury duty that had us rolling!
Transcript
Good morning and taste act.
Speaker A:And what is the worst thing that you can find in your mailbox?
Speaker A:A medical bill notice from the irs?
Speaker A:Maybe a letter from the dmv?
Speaker A:A wedding invitation from somebody you barely know that says, please spend 600 celebrating my coworker's daughter?
Speaker A:Or the classic the jury summons.
Speaker A:A new poll asks people if you're called for jury duty.
Speaker A:No magic escape.
Speaker A:The summons is there.
Speaker A:Would you rather serve or not serve?
Speaker A:And a third said they would rather serve.
Speaker A:And that has surprised me considerably.
Speaker A:I thought most people would react to jury duty like the envelope contained anthrax or a parking ticket.
Speaker A:But a third of us say we want to do it.
Speaker A:44% Said, no, thank you, and 21% said they were not sure.
Speaker A:Which is the honest answer, I would think, because part of you thinks I should do my civic duty, the other part thinks, can I afford to spend three days listening to strangers explain a parking lot assault?
Speaker A:When broken down by region, Midwesterners were most likely to be willing to serve.
Speaker A:Broken down by gender, men are slightly more willing to serve than women.
Speaker A:And broken down by generation, no supplies.
Speaker A:No surprise here.
Speaker A:The baby boomers were the most into doing jury duty.
Speaker A:Makes sense, cuz boomers love a civic process and a laminated badge.
Speaker A:And judging people from a seated position.
Speaker A:According to the survey, only 19% of us have actually been placed on a jury.
Speaker A:So most of us are scared of something that will probably just end up with us sitting in a room and drinking bad coffee and getting dismissed before lunch.
Speaker A:I mean, basically, it's not jury duty.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's work.
Speaker A:But with a metal detector, if you find yourself there and you're trying to get out, here are six things you can say that will definitely get you dismissed.
Speaker B:Best way to start your day.
Speaker B:These six jokes he's about to say, Listen up for old heads back.
Speaker B:Crack open the morning six pack.
Speaker A:The top six things you can say to definitely get dismissed from jury duty.
Speaker A:Number six, I cannot go anywhere without my therapy cobra.
Speaker A:Number five, I'll wear Crocs in public.
Speaker A:That'll do it.
Speaker A:Number four, I have explosive diarrhea and I need to use the bathroom.
Speaker A:Oh, wait, never mind.
Speaker A:Number three, I prefer subway to Jersey Mike's.
Speaker A:Yeah, that should get you banned from anywhere.
Speaker A:And putting a straight jacket.
Speaker A:Number two, ever since I was bitten by a radioactive spider, I shoot webs from my backside.
Speaker A:That's not where the webs come from.
Speaker A:You're not spider butt or what?
Speaker A:Anyway, number one, my bracelet says, what would Jeffrey Epstein do?
