Episode 128
Morning 6-Pack - The Only Degree We Need: Bachelor(ette) Studies!
Morning 6-Pack - The Hilarious Truth About American Expertise: So, you’re telling me that the average American’s top skill is knowing who got kicked off which reality show? Yep, you heard that right! In this episode, we dive deep into a new poll that reveals the wild and wacky areas of expertise Americans claim to have. Forget about law or medicine; it’s all about who’s the sneakiest on The Bachelor! From DIY disasters to the latest TikTok trends, we explore how our skills are more aligned with binge-watching and snack-eating than actual adulting. I mean, if you can’t name all the judges on The Voice, are you even living? We laugh our way through the absurdity of our so-called skills and even throw in some snarky commentary about our nation’s strange priorities. Prepare for some belly laughs as we tackle topics like why our health and fitness expertise is basically nonexistent and how we’re all just trying to live the American dream—one overpriced salad at a time!
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack, and there is a new poll that just came out, and it looks at the areas of expertise for the average American.
Speaker A:And apparently the number one area of expertise for the average American is reality show drama.
Speaker A:Reality show drama.
Speaker A:Not law or medicine or fixing leaky faucet.
Speaker A:Nope.
Speaker A:Knowing who got kicked off the Bachelor and why.
Speaker A:It was definitely sabotage.
Speaker A:Yeah, I don't.
Speaker A:I don't know how to do my taxes.
Speaker A:But I do know that Madison should have gotten that final rose, and Tammy is a snake.
Speaker A:That's the resume.
Speaker A:Now list your skills.
Speaker A:Word Excel, Gaslighting analysis from Love Island.
Speaker A:References available upon request from Bravo tv.
Speaker A:Second on the list of areas of expertise.
Speaker A:Social media trends.
Speaker A:Okay, walk into a job interview.
Speaker A:When they ask what you bring to the table, you can say, well, I don't know how to run a meeting, but I do know the latest TikTok dance.
Speaker A:And I can tell you which filter makes your forehead look less like a solar panel.
Speaker A:Third is DIY projects, which is great because we do love a good Pinterest fail.
Speaker A:Oh, I made this bookshelf out of pallets I found behind a Wendy's.
Speaker A:Yeah, and you've got termites in your living room now.
Speaker A:Yeah, but it's rustic, right?
Speaker A:Oh, goodness.
Speaker A:Trending music is next.
Speaker A:Which is ironic, because if you're over 30 or just pretending to know who anyone is.
Speaker A:You know, when they announced the halftime show for the super bowl and I was not completely sure of who they were or what they sang, that was the first time in my life I truly felt old.
Speaker A:So now I'm just out here shazaming everything like some kind of musical detective.
Speaker A:All right, fifth on the list.
Speaker A:Interest rates.
Speaker A:I love how we went from binge watched nine hours of Property Brothers to.
Speaker A:Yeah, I know a little something about the Fed.
Speaker A:Okay, Brenda, you can't explain your own car loan, but suddenly you're Jerome Powell?
Speaker A:Come on.
Speaker A:Uh, let's see.
Speaker A:Next on the list, obscure movie trivia and general trivia, which is code for I remember every line from Mean Girls, and I'm not afraid to quote it.
Speaker A:And then history, which barely makes the top nine.
Speaker A:So basically, Americans know more about what happened on Vanderpump Rules than what happened in World War II.
Speaker A:Last.
Speaker A:Rounding out the top ten.
Speaker A:No, wait, number nine.
Speaker A:Sorry, number nine.
Speaker A:Health and Fitness.
Speaker A:Health and fitness.
Speaker A:Americans are shaped like a baked potato.
Speaker A:Our most frequent form of exercise is checking the fridge to see if snacks have magically reappeared.
Speaker A:Okay, rounding out the top 10, saving money came in dead last, which Makes sense.
Speaker A:We are a Nation that spends $8 on smoothies and then cries when gas goes up a dime.
Speaker A:You know, when I get off work I'll watch reality TV and Google how to fix drywall and eat an $18 salad.
Speaker A:I door dash from three blocks away.
Speaker A:Living the American dream, baby.
Speaker A:Look, it can be a little disconcerting when you look at that list, but I don't think we are truly a fully shallow, simple minded bunch.
Speaker A:Alright, I have dug deeper into this list of areas of expertise for the average American beyond the top 10 and I have found six more areas of expertise.
Speaker A:Back crack open the morning six pack.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:These are gonna be the top six other areas of expertise for the average American.
Speaker A:Number six, pants with a less with.
Speaker A:Let's try that again.
Speaker A:Number six, pants with elastic waistbands.
Speaker A:Yay.
Speaker A:I can say thanks.
Speaker A:Sorry.
Speaker A:Number five, where to find Sam's club samples.
Speaker A:Number four, deep fried foods on a stick.
Speaker A:Number three, pass interference.
Speaker A:Unless it's called on your favorite team and in which case, no.
Speaker A:Number two, Bo blowing money on lotto tickets.
Speaker A:And the number one other average American's area of expertise, DUIs on riding mowers.
