Episode 544
Morning 6-Pack - Social Influencers
We're counting down the top six things you need to know for a career as a social media influencer. I'm Haystack, and I blast through six hilarious, slightly terrifying realities about turning likes into a job — from making your parents' basement look like Dubai to slapping "maxing" onto every sentence. We riff on having a million followers but no friends, the whole nudity vs. algorithm hustle, and those insanely stupid "check challenge" stunts people do for clout. It's fast, snarky, and full of dumb jokes you'll probably steal. I won't give away the number-one mic-drop here — you gotta listen to catch the final punch.
Takeaways:
- I joke, but I admit colleges now teach influencer skills like branding, analytics, and entrepreneurship.
- We point out 43% of Americans would support kids becoming influencers, while about a third absolutely oppose.
- I make fun, but I also say being a successful influencer is a real combo job of advertising, sales, PR, and video production.
- In my quick list I roast influencer hacks: basement Dubai makeovers, 'maxing' trends, follower fame with zero friends.
- I warn that the top tip is a reality check about career lifespan without spoiling the punchline.
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:And every parent has certain majors, college majors that they would love to hear their children are pursuing, right?
Speaker A:Accounting, engineering, architecture, legal stuff, whatever.
Speaker A:Then your kid comes home and says, I want you to spend 100 grand so I can major in influencing.
Speaker A:That's now apparently a real conversation influencing.
Speaker A:Colleges are offering programs built around content creation, branding, audience growth, analytics, entrepreneurship, basically how to turn being online into an actual business.
Speaker A:And Americans are split on this.
Speaker A:According to a recent survey, 43% say they would support their child being an influencer.
Speaker A:A third say, absolutely not.
Speaker A:And about a fourth said, I genuinely do not know how to react to this.
Speaker A:Which I think is the most honest answer because influencer sounds kind of ridiculous.
Speaker A:But when you realize a successful influencer is doing advertising, sales, public relations, video production, brand management, analytics, customer acquisition, all at one time, you realize that's a job.
Speaker A:It's kind of a weird job, but it is a job.
Speaker A:The bigger question is whether you need a college degree to learn how to say, hey guys, a lot of you have been asking about my skincare routine.
Speaker A:So if you're one of the folks thinking about a career in influence, I think we should prepare you for your exciting new journey with today's list of the top six things you need to know for a career as a social media influencer.
Speaker B:Best way to start your day.
Speaker B:These six jokes he's about to say, listen up for old haystack to crackle.
Speaker A:Take a look at the top six things you need to know before you begin a career as a social media influencer.
Speaker A:Coming in at number six, figure out a way to make your parents basement look like Dubai.
Speaker A:Number five.
Speaker A:The number five skill to become a social media influencer.
Speaker A:Add map maxing to the end of everything.
Speaker A:That's all everything is now, right.
Speaker A:Something maxing.
Speaker A:Number four, learn how to balance having a million followers with having zero friends.
Speaker A:Number three, learn how to boost followers without showing off your naked body.
Speaker A:I'm kidding.
Speaker B:Show your stuff.
Speaker B:Take eats off.
Speaker A:Number two, learn how to come up with something insanely stupid and dangerous and then encourage people to do it by calling it a check challenge.
Speaker A:And the number one skill you need to know to become a social media influencer is how to prepare for a new career after you age out at the age of 22.
