Episode 573
Morning 6-Pack - Six Surefire Ways to Tank a Date
I'm counting down the Morning 6-Pack: six surefire ways to make sure your date does NOT end with you getting lucky. We kick off with a YouGov poll about Americans' sex lives — wild numbers (7% refused to answer, 21% said 10+ partners, and 80% of married folks had been with their future spouse before the wedding) that set the whole thing on fire. Then I blast through six ridiculous date-killers — think bringing your mom, rolling up on an e-scooter, keeping an AirPod in, shamelessly pointing at someone’s butt, or bragging about your sketchy vacation choices — all guaranteed mood murder. I save the absolute worst move for number one, so I’m not spilling that here. If you wanna giggle at people being gloriously awful on dates, stick around — we roast the most boneheaded plays with max sarcasm and way too much enthusiasm.
Takeaways:
- I riffed on a YouGov sex poll and pulled out the funniest, weirdest stats from the survey.
- We joked that bringing your mom to a date or rolling up on an e-scooter kills any romance fast.
- I made fun of the AirPod-in move and staring-at-her-butt stuff as instant, awkward dealbreakers.
- We roasted people bragging about creepy island visits and other bizarre flexes that end dates immediately.
- I point out wild poll bits like purity pledges and folks claiming daily hookups — totally absurd.
- We counted down six surefire ways to make a date flop, but I won't spoil the top pick.
Transcript
It's Haystack and YouGov, the website does a lot of polling and they asked Americans, a thousand Americans, actually over a thousand Americans, about their sex lives.
Speaker A:And right away, 7% of people said, I am not answering that.
Speaker A:Which is probably the most believable response from the whole poll.
Speaker A:9% Said, I have never done that.
Speaker A:21% Said they've made whoopee with 10 or more people.
Speaker A:And 17% refused to say how many partners they had had.
Speaker A:So I'm sure somewhere in that 17% there are some stories.
Speaker A:But my favorite number is this.
Speaker A:Among married people, 80% say they had already been with their future spouse before the wedding.
Speaker A:But only 59% of Americans say people should, should not wait until marriage.
Speaker A:So there's a pretty sizable group whose official position is you should absolutely wait until marriage.
Speaker A:I mean, I didn't, but you should.
Speaker A:5% Of people surveyed say they have taken a purity pledge.
Speaker A:2% Say they get lucky every single day.
Speaker A:And the other kind of eye raising statistic, 5% of people say they wish they were getting lucky less often.
Speaker A:Much less often.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker A:There's an easy way to fix that.
Speaker A:And it's not just getting married.
Speaker A:There's at least six other really easy things you can do during a date to guarantee that it's not gonna end with you getting lucky.
Speaker B:Well, gather round folks.
Speaker B:It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a lighthearted way.
Speaker B:Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker B:Here comes the fun.
Speaker B:It's the morning six pack.
Speaker A:These are the the top six things you can do during a date to guarantee that the date will not end with you getting lucky.
Speaker A:Coming in at number six, bring your mom.
Speaker A:That's a real thing that people have done recently.
Speaker A:It's sad.
Speaker A:Number five, show up to the date on an e scooter.
Speaker A:Number four, keep an AirPod in.
Speaker A:Number three, look at her butt.
Speaker A:Point at her butt.
Speaker A:Say daddy like.
Speaker A:Number two, brag about all of your visits to Epstein Island.
Speaker A:And the number one thing you can do during a date to guarantee it will not end with you getting lucky.
Speaker A:Reveal that you work in radio.
