Episode 587
Morning 6-Pack - Six Stickers Carnival Should Try
Tipping has officially lost its mind — Carnival’s testing a “crew love” sticker you get when you prepay your gratuities, and I’m here to mock the whole kindergarten-gold-star-for-adults energy. I joke about being 58 on a boat who paid $3,000 getting a sticker like it’s some kind of merit badge. We ask the obvious: what happens to the people without stickers — do they get the used shuffleboard-towel service? So I roll out a fast Morning 6-Pack of other stickers cruise lines should use to keep everyone honest, and yeah, it’s petty and hilarious. I drop a couple of the more ridiculous examples — think “hot tub urinator” and “I eat my weight in crab legs” — but I’m not ruining the big finale. It’s short, snarky, and exactly the kind of nonsense you want with your morning coffee.
Takeaways:
- I dunk on Carnival's new 'crew love' prepaid-tip sticker and how tipping culture's totally outta control.
- We toss out jokey sticker ideas like 'hot tub urinator' and 'I eat my weight in crab legs' for laughs.
- I joke that stickers might start dividing passengers and even change service, like a towel hierarchy.
- In our Morning 6-Pack I zip through six silly sticker ideas fast, mixing sarcasm and goofy exaggeration.
- We purposely keep the number-one sticker as the big punchline, so you gotta tune in to hear it.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And you know how tipping has gotten completely out of control.
Speaker A:Well, apparently we're now at the point where we have to hand out participation trophies for tipping.
Speaker A:Carnival Cruise Line is testing this new program where passengers who prepay their tips get this little sticker on their cruise card that says, crew love.
Speaker A:I prepaid my gratuities.
Speaker A:And they leave a little thank you note in your cabin.
Speaker A:Awesome.
Speaker A:You know, you remember when you were in kindergarten, the teacher would put a gold star on your paper because you remembered to write your name down.
Speaker A:Same kind of concept, except you're 58 years old on a boat and paid $3,000 to be there.
Speaker A:Carnival says that the stickers help crew members to recognize people who have already tipped, which kind of raises the question, what about the people without stickers?
Speaker A:Are they gonna get worse?
Speaker A:Service.
Speaker A:Sorry, sir.
Speaker A:The good towels are for people with stickers.
Speaker A:You get the towels we use to wipe down the shuffleboard cart.
Speaker A:Here you go.
Speaker A:Passengers are divided, of course.
Speaker A:Some say it's tacky.
Speaker A:Others love being publicly recognized for their generosity.
Speaker A:And there you go.
Speaker A:Right there.
Speaker A:It is the weirdest part of the whole thing.
Speaker A:We've gone, as a society from tipping somebody as a thank you for good service after the service to tipping before the service, to wanting everyone to know that we have tipped before the service.
Speaker A:Ridiculous.
Speaker A:But, you know, why should Carnival even stop there?
Speaker A:In the interest of making everyone else's vacation as pleasant as possible, let's take a look at other stickers.
Speaker B:Six pack.
Speaker A:Yeah, we're taking a look at the top six other stickers Carnival cruise passengers should wear.
Speaker A:Number six, hot tub urinator.
Speaker A:Number five.
Speaker A:I eat my weight in crab legs.
Speaker A:Four, Neurovirus positive.
Speaker A:Number three.
Speaker A:I just shoved my spouse overboard.
Speaker A:Number two.
Speaker A:Took the poop deck.
Speaker A:Literally.
Speaker A:And the number one sticker that cruise line passengers should wear in addition to the I tipped sticker is, of course, just released from quarantine.
