Episode 562
Morning 6-Pack - Six lazy ways to 'clean' your house
We still do the same lazy cleaning shortcuts we learned as kids — and I’m counting down the Morning 6-Pack: six hilarious ways people “clean” without actually cleaning. A new survey even says the average American leans on about five of these hacks — 40% just spray air freshener to mask smells, 37% light a candle, and a bunch of us make the bed while the rest of the room looks like a cyclone or shove everything in a closet. So yeah, adulthood = nicer furniture to hide your mess, not more responsibility. I riff through goofy ideas like painting your shower black to match the mold, adopting a long-tongued dog and squirting syrup on fixtures, and yes, even strapping a Swiffer to a cat and busting out the laser pointer. I save the wildest one for last — trust me, you’ll want to hear the finale.
Takeaways:
- We talked about a survey where 40% of people just spray air freshener instead of finding the smell.
- I point out that 37% light candles, which is not cleaning but putting tiny decorative fires next to problems.
- We laugh that the average American uses five cleaning shortcuts, basically patch jobs instead of actual cleaning work.
- I joke that adulthood isn't about responsibility — it's about getting better furniture to hide the messes.
- Our Morning 6-Pack serves up absurd shortcuts like taping a Swiffer to the cat and syrup-on-fixtures chaos.
- We keep the biggest twist for last, so I won't spoil the number-one punchline here.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And apparently the cleaning techniques that we learned as children never really went away.
Speaker A:You see, according to this new survey, we still do a lot of things as adults that we did as kids.
Speaker A:I mean, you remember cleaning your room when you were a kid, right?
Speaker A:Mom says, clean this room, and 12 minutes later, I'm done.
Speaker A:Everything's under the bed.
Speaker A:The closet door is under structural pressure.
Speaker A:You've got no idea where your shoes are.
Speaker A:And the average American uses five of these cleaning shortcuts.
Speaker A:Now, number one, according to this survey, if the house smells bad, 40% of us just spray air freshener.
Speaker A:We don't say what is causing that smell.
Speaker A:We just say cover it with Hawaiian breeze or fresh linen or whatever and move on.
Speaker A:37% Of US light a candle, which is not cleaning.
Speaker A:It's putting a tiny decorative fire next to the problem.
Speaker A:We also make the bed while everything else looks like a tornado hit the room.
Speaker A:Or we shove all the clutter into a closet.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So adulthood is not really becoming more responsible.
Speaker A:It's just getting better furniture to hide things behind.
Speaker A:That said, I think we could surely come up with some more amazing cleaning shortcuts.
Speaker B:Well, gather round, folks.
Speaker B:It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a lighthearted way.
Speaker B:Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker B:Here comes the fun.
Speaker B:It's the morning six pack.
Speaker A:This is gonna be six ways to clean your house without actually cleaning your house.
Speaker A:Number six, paint the rest of the shower black so it matches the mold.
Speaker A:Number five, adopt a dog with a long tongue and then squirt syrup all over your fixtures.
Speaker A:Number four, cover your shelves with so many knick knacks that the dust has nowhere to fall and it just kind of floats in the air.
Speaker A:You know, like at your grandma's.
Speaker A:Yeah, let's see here.
Speaker A:Number three, hand your kid a broom and then threaten to take their phone away.
Speaker A:Then you can just sit back and watch that little turd sweep.
Speaker A:Number two, tape a swifter to the cat and then bounce a laser pointer up and down the hallway.
Speaker A:And the number one way to clean your house without you actually cleaning your house.
Speaker A:Admittedly, this should be your last resort, but you can't go wrong with arson.
