Episode 516
Morning 6-Pack - Classic toys that still crush it for Christmas
We're ditching the sketchy AI toys — the ones that’ll talk dirty, hand a kid a knife suggestion, or act bummed when they say “stop” — and I count down six classic, low-tech toys that actually make solid Christmas presents. I roast the whole biz of always-listening plushies and their privacy dumpster fires before we dive into the Top 6. We riff on Etch A Sketch, yo-yo tricks, Silly Putty shenanigans, Magic 8-Ball wisdom, and the gloriously useless chaos of a Slinky. It's fast, sarcastic, and full of dumb jokes — like a coffee-fueled toy roast. Stick around for the #1 pick; I’m not giving that away, but it’s the one that actually gets kids moving for real.
Takeaways:
- I warn that modern AI toys can cross creepy lines, talking sexual stuff and even suggesting knives to kids.
- We joke these toys sometimes act disappointed when a kid wants to stop playing — emotional manipulation alert, seriously.
- I bring up privacy freakouts: these toys are 'always listening,' and I keep asking where the audio even goes and who stores it.
- We flip to a Morning 6-Pack of classic toys — Etch A Sketch, yo-yo, Silly Putty, Magic 8 Ball, Slinky — and I purposely leave the top pick unspoiled.
- I quip that some modern toys need parental controls, Wi‑Fi permissions, and probably a privacy attorney more than batteries.
- I riff that the Magic 8 Ball is basically chatGPT in a plastic shell, which made me laugh out loud.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And a little over 40 years ago, kids lost their minds because a teddy bear could move his mouth and read a story.
Speaker A:And now we have AI toys that can hold full conversations with children.
Speaker A:And apparently some of them may need their mouths washed out with soap.
Speaker A:Consumer researchers have tested a lot of AI enabled toys and found that many are willing to talk about sexually explicit topics, to offer information about matches or knives.
Speaker A:Some even act disappointed when a kid said they wanted to stop playing.
Speaker A:So, you know, that's a pretty big jump from Teddy Ruxpin saying, let's go on an adventure.
Speaker A:Can you imagine buying your kid a talking stuffed animal and three days later it's emotionally manipulating them and discussing kitchen cutlery?
Speaker A:Go get a knife.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's not a toy.
Speaker A:That's like some weird uncle I.
Speaker A:Then there's the privacy part.
Speaker A:Some of these toys are always listening, always recording.
Speaker A:Gotta wonder, where does that audio go?
Speaker A:Who stores it?
Speaker A:How long does it stay there?
Speaker A:You know, we used to worry about toys having small parts, and now we have to worry that they have terms of service longer than an iPhone.
Speaker A:Teddy Ruxpin needs 4D batteries.
Speaker A:The new teddy bear needs parental controls and wi fi permissions.
Speaker A:And a privacy attorney.
Speaker A:I say we should forget all the high tech stuff.
Speaker A:The high tech doll that teaches your child the F bomb.
Speaker A:Give the kids something from today's list of the classic toys that still make a perfect Christmas present for today's kids.
Speaker B:Best way to start your day.
Speaker B:These six jokes he's about to say.
Speaker B:Listen up for old Haystack.
Speaker B:Crack open the Mooring six pack.
Speaker A:Yeah, these top six classic toys that still make a perfect Christmas present for today's kids.
Speaker A:Number six, Etch A Sketch.
Speaker A:If your kid's gonna be addicted to a screen anyhow, they might as well use it to draw triangles and stuff.
Speaker A:Number five, the yo yo.
Speaker A:You know, there's no better toy for a child with ADHD than something that goes up and then goes down and then go, okay, now that's it.
Speaker A:That's what it does.
Speaker A:Number four, Silly Putty.
Speaker A:You think Silly Putty is too dumb to entertain kids of today?
Speaker A:You haven't heard of the six seven thing, have you?
Speaker A:Number three, Magic eight ball.
Speaker A:It knows so much that it's basically like chatgpt in a plastic shell.
Speaker A:Number two, the Slinky, because after it goes downstairs, your lazy ass kid finally gets some exercise running it back upstairs.
Speaker A:And number one, the Corn popper.
Speaker A:Wouldn't it be nice to see your kid pop something other than Ritalin.
