Episode 87
Morning 6-Pack - Christmas Tree Wars: 6 Reasons to Go Real!
Morning 6-Pack - Real vs. Fake Christmas Trees! 🎄💥 So, here’s the scoop: 83% of folks are rollin’ with fake Christmas trees this year! Yup, it’s a plastic party, and the real trees are kinda getting left in the dust. But not our boy Haystack! He’s holding it down for the 17% who are still keeping it real (literally). Tune in as he serves up the top six reasons why real trees are the way to go, complete with jokes that’ll have you snort-laughing! From masking weird smells to free squirrel dinners, it’s a hoot for sure! So grab your coffee, kick back, and let’s get our holiday giggle on! When it comes to the holiday season, Haystack dives into the age-old debate of real vs. fake Christmas trees. Spoiler alert: the fake trees are crushing the competition, with a whopping 83% of folks opting for them this year! But hold up, Haystack's not jumping on that bandwagon. Nope, he's part of the 17% still going for the real deal, and he’s got six hilarious reasons why. From the delightful scent of a fresh tree to unexpected squirrel dinner guests, Haystack makes a compelling case for keeping it authentic. Plus, he shares some cheeky humor about the perks of having a real tree, like how it can mask some not-so-pleasant odors. So, whether you're Team Fake or Team Real, this episode is packed with laughs, puns, and a sprinkle of holiday spirit!
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:And when it comes to Christmas trees, this isn't really a new trend, but it is quite a sway in the degree of popularity of fake trees.
Speaker A:If you're putting up a real Christmas tree this year, you're one of the very few.
Speaker A:A survey by the American Christmas Tree association found that fake trees are far and away the norm.
Speaker A:It is not even close any longer.
Speaker A:83% of people plan to put up a tree that's fake.
Speaker A:Just 17.
Speaker A:About one in six are going to buy a real tree.
Speaker A:Now, fake trees have had that lead for over a decade now.
Speaker A:Real ones just keep losing more and more ground.
Speaker A:Though the data confirms that artificial trees have become the standard in American holiday decorating, most people say because of cost, convenience, and safety as well.
Speaker A:You can reuse the same tree.
Speaker A:You don't have to deal with pine needles everywhere.
Speaker A:There's a lower chance of your tree catching on fire and burning down your entire house.
Speaker A:So There you go, 83% using a fake tree.
Speaker A:I believe in authenticity, not this guy.
Speaker A:I am one of the 17% who still get a real Christmas tree, and I've got six reasons why.
Speaker A:These six jokes he's about to say, listen up for old Haystack.
Speaker A:The crack open the morn six pack.
Speaker A:All right, here we go.
Speaker A:These are the top six reasons why I'm going to get a real Christmas tree.
Speaker A:Coming in at number six.
Speaker A:That fresh tree scent in the rest of the house masks the smell of meth coming from my basement.
Speaker A:Number five, I used to be roommates with Courtney Love, so I'm used to living with needles covering the floor.
Speaker A:I'm in so much trouble for both of those already.
Speaker A:Number four, a squirrel could scamper out.
Speaker A:Now look, free dinner.
Speaker A:Three, buying a real tree supports small farmers, which is the same excuse most of my friends use for smoking weed.
Speaker A:Number two, you can watch it slowly wither over time, just like your will to live once the in laws arrive.
Speaker A:And the number one reason to get a real Christmas tree, you don't have to put it in a box and stick it back in the attic for 11 months a year.
Speaker A:Unlike Nana.
