Episode 536
Morning 6-Pack - 6 Things I’d Make Restaurants Ban (Phones Are Just Round One)
Phones are wrecking restaurant vibes, so I'm all for phone-free sections, lockable pouches, or even bribing families with free ice cream to keep the glowboxes out. Feels like we're sliding from "smoking or non‑smoking" to "cell phone or non‑cell phone," and honestly, I kinda love it. On today's Morning 6-Pack I crack open six other things restaurants should dump besides phones. I roast stuff like that 25% tip button, jump‑scare vibrating plastic coasters, and ketchup bottles that are basically souvenir empties. I won't spoil the top pick — you'll have to stick around for that mic drop — but expect quick, sarcastic takes and a few laughs about people on speakerphone ruining your mozzarella sticks.
Takeaways:
- I riff on restaurants needing cell-phone-free zones, lockable pouches, and even bribes like free ice cream.
- We joke phones are basically being compared to cigarettes now, so maybe a dedicated non-phone section makes sense.
- I run a quick Morning 6-Pack of other dumb restaurant annoyances, but I don't spoil the big finale here.
- Examples include ditching the jacked-up 25% tip button, those jumpy plastic pagers, and the Pepsi-not-Coke swaps.
- I roast tiny ketchup bottles and cringe-worthy half-hearted Happy Birthday performances — total mood killers at dinner.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And if you're old enough, you may remember restaurants asking smoking or non smoking.
Speaker A:Well, we may be headed towards cell phone or non cell phone.
Speaker A:And I kind of like this.
Speaker A:I mean, the problem's not somebody checking a text.
Speaker A:It's the person at the next table watching a TikTok at full volume like they're hosting a screening.
Speaker A:Or the guy on speakerphone discussing his medical history over mozzarella sticks.
Speaker A:Some restaurants are using these lockable phone pouches like you see at concerts or if you've ever been to a show at the Grove Comedy Club that make you put your phone in the, in the little pouch thing.
Speaker A:And it's actually not just to keep you from recording the comedians.
Speaker A:It's so that you don't disturb other people using your phone.
Speaker A:And I love this.
Speaker A:Other places are actually bribing you to put the phones away as some Chick Fil A's have done this where if your entire family can put all their phones in a box and you can make it through the meal without touching the phones, everyone gets free ice cream.
Speaker A:This is where we're at now as a society, we have to reward adults for surviving 20 minutes without looking at a little glowing rectangle.
Speaker A:And again, one restaurant manager comparing phones to cigarettes.
Speaker A:And it kind of makes sense.
Speaker A:It all started as well, it's my personal choice.
Speaker A:Then eventually somebody else said, yeah, but now your habit is in my face.
Speaker A:And I don't think every restaurant necessarily needs a total phone ban, but a phone free section, I, I would try it.
Speaker A:Especially if the other section in the restaurant is labeled speakerphone People put all those people together in one place and, and let nature take its course.
Speaker A:Actually, come to think of it, why stop there?
Speaker A:There's, there's a lot of other things that restaurants could get rid of to improve the dining experience.
Speaker B:Best way to start your day, these six jokes.
Speaker B:He's.
Speaker B:Listen up.
Speaker B:For old haystack to crack open a morning six pack.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Here we go.
Speaker A:Taking a look at the top six other things that restaurants should get rid of besides cell phones.
Speaker A:Number six, the option to tip 25%.
Speaker A:Come on now.
Speaker A:Number five, those giant plastic coaster things that scare the absolute out of you whenever they vibrate because your table's ready.
Speaker A:Coming in at number four, serving Pepsi instead of Coke.
Speaker A:Number three, ketchup bottles that are 1 120th full.
Speaker A:Number two, those half assed renditions of Happy Birthday.
Speaker A:Nobody wants it.
Speaker A:And the number one thing that restaurants should get rid of besides phones to make the dining experience better children.
