Episode 7
July 12, 2025 - Leftovers & Airport Shoes âď¸
Wake up and smell the leftovers! This week, we dive into the treasure trove of bits that didnât make the cut during the radio show. I mean, who knew that 11,000 Americans turn 50 daily? Spoiler alert: itâs a gold mine, fam! We also chat about the art of swinginâ for the fences with our morning six packs, inspired by the legendary David Letterman. Sure, not every joke lands like a plane, but we keep swinging until we hit the jackpot! Oh, and letâs not forget the musical gem, âAirport Shoesââa funky homage to the TSA's new chill rules. Trust me, youâre gonna want to strut your stuff in those shoes! So grab your snacks, kick back, and letâs have some laughs together!
- Did you know 11,000 Americans turn 50 every day? Time to invest in Velcro sneakers!
- Superman's day job as a reporter? Yeah, right! Who's making bank in journalism these days?
Transcript
I would say good morning, but you can listen to a podcast anytime.
Speaker A:So the original concept of Haystacks was for me to basically do leftovers.
Speaker A:And then I realized that the most.
Speaker A:The most comments that I get about my show have to do with either my conversation with Alabama Bama or my morning six packs, which are kind of an homage to the old David Letterman top 10 lists.
Speaker A:And I realize they're not always, oh, my gosh, funny, but, you know, you can't always hit a home run.
Speaker A:You just keep swinging.
Speaker A:So I hope you've enjoyed my morning six packs, my discussions with Alabama Bama, and then each Saturday morning, we're going to release some of the things that I wrote going into the show that I ended up not using.
Speaker A:So, you know, believe it or not, we're not just cracking open a mic and saying whatever comes to the top of our head.
Speaker A:Well, we do that some, but most of us in this radio business will jot down a bunch of notes, things that we think might be interesting, so that we can make comments about them, and we don't always get around to using all of them.
Speaker A:So I have a lot of notes or jokes or segments or comments or thoughts that.
Speaker A:That go unsaid until now.
Speaker A:For instance, I saw earlier this week where there are 11,000Americans turning 50 years old each and every day.
Speaker A:So my first thought was, well, it must be a good time to be in the Velcro sneaker business.
Speaker A:And my second thought was, well, no wonder Bella Vista keeps growing so fast.
Speaker A:So, you know, I never got around to using that, but it's pretty fascinating.
Speaker A:11,000Americans turning 50 each and every day.
Speaker A:And then sometimes I'll put in a lot of time to write and record a parody song that I think is funny only to, as I did this week, decide I wanted to take a different approach.
Speaker A:The subject that I wanted to have fun with was the TSA not requiring that you take your shoes off most of the time anymore.
Speaker A:And I had.
Speaker A:I had done a parody song to the.
Speaker A:The old disco favorite Boogie Shoes, and I turned it into Airport Shoes.
Speaker A:And we'll hear that just a little bit later on.
Speaker A:So this is essentially going to be a Leftovers situation.
Speaker A:Some of this is going to be pretty fun.
Speaker A:Well, leftovers or things that I decided were just a little too risque for the radio.
Speaker A:And I've gotten a few complaints every once in a while.
Speaker A:Oh, he said he should not have said.
Speaker A:Everyone's idea of what's offensive is different.
Speaker A:I try really hard to keep it.
Speaker A:At most, PG Right.
Speaker A:I want anyone to be able to listen to what I'm.
Speaker A:I'm talking about.
Speaker A:But there are some people who have sensitivities that are such that.
Speaker A:That they probably shouldn't listen to me.
Speaker A:This show's definitely not for those folks.
Speaker A:For instance, Sunday is Harrison Ford's birthday.
Speaker A:He'll turn 83 years old.
Speaker A:And in honor of his recent movie performances, all his birthday wishes are going to be phoned in.
Speaker A:See?
Speaker A:Quite simple dad joke.
Speaker A:Family friendly.
Speaker A:The other punchline, don't forget to see his latest movie, Indiana Jones and the Little Blue Pill.
Speaker B:That.
Speaker A:That's not that dirty.
Speaker A:But some people would be offended by me just using the phrase blue pill.
Speaker A:So we're just gonna have fun.
Speaker A:A few of these bits, a few of these jokes may be a little too wild for the radio, but I'm gonna try not to get too crazy on you.
Speaker A:And then a lot of this is just stuff I didn't get around to.
Speaker A:Just things that never happened.
Speaker A:So, yeah, Superman opened on Friday, officially.
Speaker A:Actually opened on Thursday.
Speaker A:And it reportedly needs to make $700 million to be a box office success.
Speaker A:That's a lot.
Speaker A:Uh, 700 million sounds like a lot.
Speaker A:What it really needs to do is make $230 billion with a B so that Superman can marry Lauren Sanchez.
Speaker A:Because that's about how much that lady cost, apparently.
Speaker A:And even though he could.
Speaker A:Even though he can fly and has X ray vision, that's.
Speaker A:That's not the craziest part about Superman.
Speaker A:The most unrealistic aspect of Superman is that he thinks he can make a living at his day job working in a newspaper.
Speaker A:Have you met people in the media where we don't make a lot of money?
Speaker A:We do it for other reasons.
Speaker A:There's no way you're writing for a newspaper full time.
Speaker A:Especially when you think about how expensive his life must be.
Speaker A:I mean, all the spandex for the outfits, that can't be cheap.
Speaker A:And I know he's indestructible, so I guess he doesn't have to worry about health care.
Speaker A:Maybe that's where all the savings come from.
Speaker A:Because he's not having to pay for health care.
Speaker A:Oh, we're just.
Speaker A:This is going to be.
Speaker A:What do they call that?
Speaker A:Stream of consciousness.
Speaker A:This could be stream of consciousness.
Speaker A:The podcast.
Speaker A:8 out of 8 out of 10 women admit that they have cooked a meal topless or nude at least once for their man.
Speaker A:I've never had a woman do that for me.
Speaker A:Eight out of ten admit they've cooked a meal topless or nude for their man.
Speaker A:Eight.
Speaker A:The other two out of ten still traumatized by that one grease splatter incident.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:If you've ever watched the Food Network, you've got to be.
Speaker A:I hope they don't hear that stat.
Speaker A:Cause they'll start getting some ideas.
Speaker A:Next thing you know, it'll be cooking with Martha Stewart topless or something.
Speaker A:They just do anything.
Speaker A:Anyway, we're gonna.
Speaker A:We're gonna have fun with our airport shoes parody.
Speaker A:But first, I am.
Speaker A:I'm gonna tell you that as soon as I get done recording this podcast, I am going to start my plans.
Speaker A:I want to open a new store.
Speaker A:And if you listen to my show, you know that I'm always trying to find a way to make money.
Speaker A:I've decided that my latest idea for a business is a $2 store.
Speaker A:I am going to whoop up on the Dollar General and the Dollar Tree.
Speaker A:I am opening the $2 store for people who enjoy the finer things in life.
Speaker A:Life is finer for all of us now that we don't have to take off our airport shoes.
Speaker B:Taking to get on a plane.
Speaker B:Yeah, we'll never have to do it again.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Don't have to take off my, my my my my airport shoes they change the rules.
Speaker B:Yeah, don't have to take off my, my my my my airport shoes like the cabin crew.
Speaker B:Now you can wear your disgusting socks.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:Wear thigh boots and not your Crocs.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Don't have to take off my, my my my my airport shoes.
Speaker B:They change the rule.
Speaker B:Yeah, don't have to take off my, my my my my airport sh.
Speaker B:Sam.
