Episode 126
Joyriding for Jesus: The Condiment Chronicles!
Get ready to belly-laugh, folks! This ep dives into a wild tale of three sisters from Lansing who took “returning to the Garden of Eden” a little too literally—like, mustard-and-mayo-covered-nudists-level too literal! I mean, who knew Bible study could turn into a condiment crime spree? Picture a UPS driver chasing these three through a cul-de-sac while they’re living their best naked life—talk about a biblical episode of Cops! And while they claimed to be on a divine mission, the court wasn't buying it. So, buckle up for a ride full of giggles as we dish out the juicy details and sprinkle in some puns that are saucier than their shenanigans!
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:And these three sisters from Lansing, Michigan decide that after reading the Bible, they need to return to the Garden of Eden.
Speaker A:So naturally, the first step is to strip naked and cover themselves in mustard and mayonnaise.
Speaker A:I mean obviously that there's a.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's the book of Hellman's.
Speaker A:Right, That's.
Speaker A:I know that one, one of.
Speaker A:One of them even quoted the Bible.
Speaker A:She said that it was about the mustard seeds.
Speaker A:Now look, I know it's been a long time since I went to Sunday school, but I do not remember Jesus ever saying, verily I say unto the go grab the gray pool pond.
Speaker A:I just don't remember that.
Speaker A:And then they steal UPS trucks.
Speaker A:So you know, obviously everyone always wants free shipping.
Speaker A:Can you imagine though, being the UPS driver, you're just trying to drop off a box at someone's porch and suddenly you're chasing three condiment covered nudists through a cul de sac like you're in a biblical episode of Cops.
Speaker A:And then the defense attorney said they were seized by religious frenzy.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That sounds like.
Speaker A:That's not a legal defense.
Speaker A:That sounds like a heavy metal band.
Speaker A:Religious frenzy.
Speaker A:Anyway, they.
Speaker A:At least they were honest.
Speaker A:One of em admitted that stealing the truck was just a spur of the moment thing.
Speaker A:Oh, okay.
Speaker A:Thanks.
Speaker A:Yeah, the nudity and the mayo, that was divine inspiration.
Speaker A:But the UPS truck, yeah, it was just for funsies.
Speaker A:In the end they were found guilty of course of joyriding and indecent exposure.
Speaker A:Which feels like a light sentence considering they almost started the first church of Dijon on wheels.
