Episode 475
I Rewrote 'O Canada' to Say Sorry (Kinda)
78% of Americans say we should be way friendlier to Canada — and I’m with ’em. Trump’s been hammering Canada with tariffs and insults lately, which feels weird since Canada’s basically hockey, politeness, and maple syrup. Like, should we really pick a fight with the country that gave us Ryan Reynolds? Also heads-up: a lot of our paper products come from up north, so tariffs could make toilet paper pricier — panic-buying, anyone? I half-joke about reworking their national anthem and calling their bacon ham, but for real, maybe we chill and buy some Canadian whiskey instead.
Takeaways:
- I riff on a poll where 78% of Americans prefer friendlier relations with Canada, not trade drama.
- We poke fun at Trump reportedly slamming Canada with tariffs and insults, which honestly feels unnecessary and silly.
- I joke Canada’s national brand is hockey, politeness and maple syrup, so starting a trade fight feels like picking on the nicest kid in class.
- I warn paper products and toilet paper could get pricier since much of our paper comes from Canada—panic-buying nostalgia, anyone?
- We toss silly fixes like reworking O Canada or pleading for patience, with jokey lines about bacon, whiskey and being Blue Jays fans.
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:Haystack with you.
Speaker A:There's a new poll that says most Americans do not agree with how President Trump has been treating Canada, which I gotta say, I think is.
Speaker A:Is probably good because Canada's not exactly the most threatening enemy out there.
Speaker A:It's Canada.
Speaker A:Their national brand is hockey.
Speaker A:Politeness, Maple syrup.
Speaker A:Apologizing when you step on their foot.
Speaker A:A poll found 78% of Americans say that the US should approach Canada on more friendly, friendly terms and as a valued partner.
Speaker A:That's not even close.
Speaker A:78% America saying maybe we shouldn't start a trade war with the people who gave us Ryan Reynolds.
Speaker A:President Trump has been hammering Canada with tariffs and insults and all this 51st state stuff, and Canadians are furious.
Speaker A:And I gotta say, I kind of understand that.
Speaker A:I mean, if.
Speaker A:If Canada started calling Minnesota South Manitoba, we would lose our minds.
Speaker B:Well, then again, I guess Canada.
Speaker A:Canada could pick up the daycare costs.
Speaker A:So, yeah, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Speaker A:But I digress.
Speaker A:There are plenty of countries we can argue with.
Speaker A:Maybe we should not start with the one that brings maple syrup and toilet paper.
Speaker A:Yes, toilet paper.
Speaker A:Paper products are about to get way more expensive because most of our paper comes from Canada.
Speaker A:Don't be surprised if there's a Covid era rush on toilet paper.
Speaker A:Let the panic buying commence.
Speaker A:Or hear me out here.
Speaker A:Maybe, maybe, just maybe, we rework their national anthem to try to make them see that we're sorry.
Speaker A:Oh,.
Speaker B:Canada, we call your bacon ham.
Speaker B:Last World Series, we were mostly Blue Jays fans.
Speaker B:It really stinks.
Speaker B:We're in a fight.
Speaker B:We should just watch hockey.
Speaker B:We've got no beef with Canada.
Speaker B:We'd like to say Suri, do not be mad.
Speaker B:Buy our whiskey.
Speaker B:O Canada, a little patience, please.
Speaker B:America seems to have gone crazy.
