Episode 503
Arkansas Skips OnlyFans — Walmart > Webcam?
A new report that ranks OnlyFans spending per capita says North Dakota is actually number one — yep, the land of wide spaces is tipping the most online. Mississippi spends the least and Arkansas is second-to-last, which means we get to smugly point at 50th and 49th and say, “bless their hearts.” I gotta admit, North Dakota kinda makes sense — cold, dark by 4:30, only so many times you can reorganize the garage before you go surfing the internet. We, on the other hand, are just cheap and practical: we’re coupon-hunting, trying to bundle it with our internet and wondering if Bass Pro points will pay for exclusive content. Bottom line: when Arkansans get bored we go to Walmart; in North Dakota they hit the OnlyFans button — basically same entertainment value, but Walmart feeds you.
Takeaways:
- I laugh that a per-capita OnlyFans report puts North Dakota at number one nationally; cold, dark winters apparently boost browsing habits.
- We poke fun that Arkansas and Mississippi spend the least, because we're famously thrifty and share streaming passwords with fifty relatives.
- I joke that Arkansans would bargain, coupon-hunt, and even ask if OnlyFans accepts Bass Pro points before subscribing to anything.
- I point out the per-capita stat came from someone doing spreadsheet math — some poor researcher named Bill — and that's comedy itself.
- We compare North Dakota's late-night online scene to Arkansas trips to Walmart: both cure boredom, but Walmart also hooks you up with groceries and random entertainment.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And there is a new report that ranks only fans spending by state per capita because apparently we've run out of economic indicators.
Speaker A:Gross domestic product, Boring.
Speaker A:Median income, who cares?
Speaker A:Economists are going, what we really need to know is which state is tipping the most online.
Speaker A:And when you boil it down to per capita, the number one state is North Dakota.
Speaker A:North Dakota.
Speaker A:I didn't see that coming.
Speaker A:Although it kind of makes sense.
Speaker A:Apparently those winners are long.
Speaker A:There's only so many times you can reorganize the garage.
Speaker A:At some point it's, well, let's see what's going on on the Internet.
Speaker A:So it kind of makes sense when you think about it.
Speaker A:Cold weather and a lot of space and not a lot going on.
Speaker A:So it's dark at 4:30 in the afternoon.
Speaker A:That's mood lighting.
Speaker A:Meanwhile, they.
Speaker A:The state that spends the least per capita on only fans is Mississippi and Arkansas is second least.
Speaker A:So Mississippi and Arkansas looked at the rest of country and said, y' all are paying for that.
Speaker A:Which I feel like is a southern thing because people in Arkansas are practical.
Speaker A: u tell an Arkansas that'll be: Speaker A:There better be a buffet involved.
Speaker A:Arkansans are not big on unnecessary subscriptions.
Speaker A:I mean, we're still mad that television stopped being free after we bought the antenna.
Speaker A:Half the state has one streaming account being shared by 37 relatives.
Speaker A:Netflix says this device is not part of your household.
Speaker A:And Arkansans go, you don't know my household.
Speaker A:And I love that we're second lowest.
Speaker A:It's just perfect for Arkansas.
Speaker A:We didn't come in last.
Speaker A:That's important.
Speaker A:We can still look at Mississippi and say, well, bless their hearts.
Speaker A:That's what being 49th is all about.
Speaker A:I'm not bragging.
Speaker A:I'm just very aware of who came in 50th and I, I gotta admit, I don't think this necessarily means that Arkansas is more wholesome.
Speaker A:I think we're just thrifty.
Speaker A:We don't like to pay retail.
Speaker A:We don't like high prices.
Speaker A:We're home of the largest company retail company in the world or one of the due to discounts.
Speaker A:I mean, you offer somebody here a 15 monthly subscription and the first thing we're going to do is start searching for coupon codes.
Speaker A:Do they take AAA at the only fans?
Speaker A:The senior discount, Can I bundle it with my home Internet?
Speaker A:Can I buy it with my Bass Pro Rewards points?
Speaker A:And I love that this is a per capita thing.
Speaker A:So someone did the math.
Speaker A:Some researcher had a spreadsheet open, going, okay, the population of North Dakota divided by the total spending.
Speaker A:What are you.
Speaker A:What are you working on, Bill?
Speaker A:I'm working on America.
Speaker A:North Dakota is number one.
Speaker A:Arkansas is near the bottom.
Speaker A:Honestly, I think we've learned something important about these United States, though.
Speaker A:In North Dakota, when it gets cold, they go online.
Speaker A:In Arkansas, when we get bored, we go to Walmart.
Speaker A:Basically the same entertainment value, but you can get groceries at Walmart.
