Episode 594
Alabama Bama on Gas Prices
Gas prices are finally starting to come down, and we wasted zero time roasting the whole mess on the Morning 6-Pack. I’m Haystack and me and my buddy Bama trade ridiculous gas-woes — she jokes about selling kidneys and siphoning with her cigarette superpowers, I try not to laugh myself into bankruptcy. We also admit driving less ain’t exactly realistic when you’ve got ex-husbands to avoid, probation offices to visit, and a plasma appointment to keep. Expect sarcastic one-liners, loud laughs, and Bama’s patented “dad gum” commentary about near four-bucks-a-gallon chaos. Oh, and yes, we somehow end up talking about Dollar Tree pregnancy tests being locked up with steaks — trust me, it’s as glorious and weird as it sounds.
Takeaways:
- I riff about gas finally easing off, but it’s still dang near four bucks a gallon.
- Bama jokes about selling kidneys and siphoning gas — I absolutely do not recommend either, but we laugh anyway.
- We poke fun at the reality of driving less when you've got three ex-husbands to dodge, probation visits to make, and a standing appointment at the plasma center — commuting ain’t simple.
- Bama’s Southern one-liners steal the show — menthol gasoline jokes and tube-top bicycle safety take the laughs.
- I close out with Bama confessing Dollar Tree put pregnancy tests with steaks, and yeah, we crack up at that nonsense.
Transcript
Good morning, it's Haystack.
Speaker A:It is time for one of my favorite times of the week when I get to chat with my dear old friend Bama, who moved down to rural Alabama.
Speaker A:And Bama joins us on the phone.
Speaker A:Now, Bama, been some good news for folks driving around as gas prices are finally starting to come down.
Speaker B:Well, it is about dad gum time, Haystack.
Speaker B:I mean, gas has been so expensive that I was about to start a harvesting my kidneys just to fill up my dog's neon.
Speaker A:Wait a minute.
Speaker A:Kidneys, plural?
Speaker B:Well, I figured I'd sell one for gas and maybe keep the other one for emergencies.
Speaker A:Now, Bama, you know you actually need those, right?
Speaker B:Well, yeah, that's why God gave us two of them.
Speaker B:Hey, stack.
Speaker B:One's for living and one's for financial hardships,.
Speaker A:Bama.
Speaker A:Well, okay.
Speaker A:Fortunately, gas prices are coming down.
Speaker B:Oh, Lord, it's still dad gum.
Speaker B:Near four bucks a gallon.
Speaker B:That ain't cheap.
Speaker B:My neon ain't worth $4.
Speaker B:Last time I filled it up, I doubled the value of the.
Speaker A:Okay, so what are you gonna do?
Speaker B:I think I might start siphoning gas.
Speaker B:Put my cigarette sucking abilities to good use.
Speaker A:Now, Bama, that is a terrible idea.
Speaker B:Oh, come on now, honey.
Speaker B:I've been a sucking on Newports since I was 7 years old.
Speaker B:These lungs got more suction than a shop vac.
Speaker A:Well, please do not test that theory with gasoline.
Speaker B:Well, too bad they don't make gasoline in menthol flavor.
Speaker A:I don't think flavor is the biggest problem with drinking gasoline.
Speaker B:Well, it sure ain't the smallest.
Speaker A:Okay, okay.
Speaker A:Well, you know, you could just drive less.
Speaker B:Drive less?
Speaker B:Hey, Stack, I got three ex husbands to avoid, two probation offices to visit and a standing appointment at the plasma center.
Speaker B:I cannot do all that on a bicycle.
Speaker A:Yeah, I suppose not.
Speaker B:Besides, you ever seen a woman in a tube topper riding a bicycle with a carton of Newports under her arm?
Speaker B:It's a safety hazard.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, I guess it is.
Speaker B:Anyway, sugar, I gots to go.
Speaker B:My dollar tree done announced they ain't gonna lock up the pregnancy tests with the steaks no more.
Speaker A:Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Speaker A:Why are their pregnancy tests locked up with the steaks?
Speaker B:Why?
Speaker B:Don't ask questions, Haystack.
Speaker B:All I know is mama is gonna eat good tonight.
Speaker A:Now, Bama, what does that even mean?
Speaker B:Bye, sugar.
