Episode 399
Text Messages That Scream I'm Into You
Takeaways:
- Haystack dives into the secret language of men and their emotional text messages. Who knew texting could be so complicated?
- Ever wonder what your guy's texts really mean? Turns out, they might be more attached than you think!
- From 'I need you' to 'I can't wait to see you again,' Haystack explores the wild world of romantic texting!
- Who knew that texting could be a relationship minefield? Haystack hilariously breaks it all down for us!
- Haystack reveals that men might be sending some deep feels via text, but his reactions are priceless and totally relatable!
- If 'being with you feels like home' makes you worried, you're not alone! Haystack has all the laughs on this emotional rollercoaster.
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack, and I saw this article on a website called your Tango, and the article said, if a man sends you these text messages, he's way more emotionally attached than it seems.
Speaker A:And I got nervous because apparently there's a whole secret language that men are using that I was never taught.
Speaker A:The first text in the list was, you were my first thought this morning.
Speaker A:Nope, never sent that one.
Speaker A:My first thought in the morning is usually, why is my mouth so dry?
Speaker A:Followed by, did I leave the oven on?
Speaker A:And then it said, I'm always here for you no matter what happens.
Speaker A:Nope.
Speaker A:Absolutely not.
Speaker A:That is a dangerous promise.
Speaker A:No matter what happens.
Speaker A:What if something happens during a game?
Speaker A:What if you call and I'm carrying groceries?
Speaker A:Suddenly I'm dropping a dozen eggs in a parking lot because you had a weird dream about your co worker.
Speaker A:I might be here for you, but it kind of depends on traffic.
Speaker A:Another one was, you make me feel so special.
Speaker A:Nope, never said that to anybody.
Speaker A:I've thought you make me feel less irritated than most people, which is huge for me.
Speaker A:That's basically a wedding proposal, but never.
Speaker A:You make me feel so special.
Speaker A:Then I can't wait to see you again.
Speaker A:No, no, no.
Speaker A:I don't say that.
Speaker A:I say, let me know when you're around.
Speaker A:Maybe.
Speaker A:Maybe holler at me.
Speaker A:That gives me a little flexibility.
Speaker A:So many of these.
Speaker A:I don't want to date anyone else.
Speaker A:See, even if that is true, I don't think you can send that in writing.
Speaker A:You can't just send it right?
Speaker A:Then it can be screenshotted, and now there's evidence.
Speaker A:I prefer to communicate commitment through vague body language and leaving a phone charger at your apartment or something.
Speaker A:The list gets even more intense from that spot.
Speaker A:The next one on the list.
Speaker A:I need you.
Speaker A:What need?
Speaker A:I need WI Fi.
Speaker A:I need coffee.
Speaker A:I need eight hours of sleep.
Speaker A:Although apparently, I've decided to live without that one.
Speaker A:I don't want to put that kind of pressure on someone, on another human being.
Speaker A:Can you imagine getting a text that says, I need you, and you're in the middle of eating tacos?
Speaker A:Now you got to put down a taco and become someone's emotional support person?
Speaker A:I don't want to put that evil on you, Ricky Bobby.
Speaker A:My life is so much better with you in it.
Speaker A:Oh, that's beautiful.
Speaker A:I would never say that, but it's beautiful.
Speaker A:I might say, this is nice.
Speaker A:You got to understand, coming from me, this is nice means I've already pictured us sharing a Sam's Club membership.
Speaker A:I can't stop thinking about our last date.
Speaker A:I can stop.
Speaker A:I have errands.
Speaker A:I have things to do.
Speaker A:I want to grow old with you.
Speaker A:Woohoo.
Speaker A:That is so far ahead.
Speaker A:I don't even know what I'm gonna do tomorrow.
Speaker A:People are planning old age.
Speaker A:I'm still trying to figure out if the milk smells weird.
Speaker A:I want to make more memories with you.
Speaker A:That was on the list.
Speaker A:Which again, sounds lovely, but memories are kind of expensive now.
Speaker A:Every memory involves parking, reservations, a service fee.
Speaker A:I'm.
Speaker A:Duh.
Speaker A:Finally being with you feels like home.
Speaker A:Do men really send that as a text message?
Speaker A:I've never sent that.
Speaker A:I mean, home is where I take my pants off, ignore everybody, and eat stuff over the sink.
Speaker A:If I ever tell a woman being with you feels like home.
Speaker A:Don't feel flattered, feel concerned.
Speaker A:Because what I mean is, I am extremely comfortable here.
Speaker A:I've stopped trying.
Speaker A:And somewhere nearby, there's an unpaid electricity bill.
Speaker A:And I don't care.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:Look, according to this article, if a man sends any of these text messages, he's deeply, emotionally attached.
Speaker A:And according to this article and my text history, I have never, ever experienced love.
Speaker A:I mean, I have sent.
Speaker A:Did you get home okay?
Speaker A:And for some of us, that's essentially poetry.
