Episode 533
National Pumpkin Spice Day? I’m Not Falling for It
Today is National Pumpkin Spice Day, and yeah—I’m here to mock the holiday because pumpkin spice has officially taken over my life. We trace the nonsense back a bit—McCormick was selling pumpkin pie spice in 1934 and then Starbucks dropped their pumpkin spice latte in 2020 and basically rewired fall into a foam-and-oat-milk situation. Fun fact: “pumpkin spice” barely even contains pumpkin—it's cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and allspice doing all the heavy lifting while pumpkin just stands there taking credit. Now it's in everything from candles and dog treats to soap, Doritos, and yes, someone even made a pumpkin spice casket (because of course). So we salute the mysterious genius who invented artificial pumpkin spice flavor—equal parts brilliant and slightly terrifying—and I’m officially drawing the line at pumpkin spice Spam.
Takeaways:
- I joke that National Pumpkin Spice Day is totally unnecessary, 'cause pumpkin spice already rules three months straight.
- We note McCormick has been selling pumpkin pie spice since 1934 — the OG autumn flex, history baby.
- I point out pumpkin spice isn't actually pumpkin; it's cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, cloves and allspice pretending to be pie.
- We mock the product creep hard: coffee, cereal, candles, dog treats, soap, even a pumpkin spice casket exists now.
- I sarcastically salute the 'Artificial Pumpkin Spice Flavor Inventor' as a real American hero while I draw the line at pumpkin spice Spam.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And today is National Pumpkin Spice Day, which fills all kinds of unnecessary, right?
Speaker A:Pumpkin spice gets like three months.
Speaker A:Why does it need a national holiday day?
Speaker A:The actual spice blend has been around forever.
Speaker A: ing pumpkin pie spice back in: Speaker A:Can you believe that?
Speaker A: their pumpkin spice latte in: Speaker A:Before that, fall was all about the leaves changing color.
Speaker A:After that, autumn became can I get that iced with oat milk in two pumps.
Speaker A:The funny part is, though, pumpkin spice doesn't really mean pumpkin.
Speaker A:It's cinnamon and ginger, nutmeg, cloves and allspice.
Speaker A:Basically, it's the spices that make pumpkin pie taste like pumpkin pieces.
Speaker A:Pumpkin itself, not really a big part of it, just pumpkin standing there, taking all the credit.
Speaker A:Pumpkin spice is, of course, everywhere.
Speaker B:Now.
Speaker A:There's, there's pumpkin spice coffee and cookies and cereal, candles and dog treats and soap, and even a pumpkin spice casket.
Speaker A:I mean, at some point, somebody looked at a bottle of body wash and said, you know what this needs?
Speaker A:It needs some Thanksgiving in it.
Speaker A:So now your coffee, your kitchen, your car air freshener, your shampoo all smell like the same pie.
Speaker A:Which I guess means that there should be a salute for whoever invented this mess.
Speaker B:It's time for another salute to a real American hero.
Speaker C:Real American hero.
Speaker B:Today we salute you, Mr.
Speaker B:Artificial Pumpkin Spice Flavor Inventor.
Speaker C:Mr.
Speaker C:Artificial Pumpkin Spice Flavor Inventor.
Speaker B:You used to be a chemistry until a freak accident in the laboratory sent a cloud of chemical dust into the air that kind of sort of did the faint taste of pumpkin.
Speaker C:And you said, I'm cashing in.
Speaker A:And now we're eating pumpkin spice Doritos.
Speaker C:There should never have been such a thing.
Speaker C:No.
Speaker B:So the next time you glom down a pumpkin Oreo, Pumpkin M&Ms, or even pumpkin Pringles, raise your pumpkin latte or your pumpkin beer and toast the pumpkin headed hero.
Speaker B:Mr.
Speaker B:Artificial Pumpkin Spice Flavor Flavor Inventor.
Speaker B:A real American hero.
Speaker C:Mr.
Speaker C:Artificial Pumpkin Spice Flavor Inventor.
Speaker B:I am drawing the line at pumpkin spice Spam.
