Episode 599
Morning 6-Pack (Too) - Grocery Store Red Flags
I counted down six new, totally different signs you’re shopping at a bad grocery store — fast, snarky, and zero sympathy. I also started a little grocery war after mentioning Lowell’s new Walmart neighborhood market, and yep, my phone exploded with texts about traffic, too many Walmarts, and Costco dreams. Weirdly, I learned “supermarket syndrome” is a real medical thing — bright lights and crowded aisles can literally make folks dizzy and nauseous. The list itself is goofy: think organic won’t turn you into a walking food snob, cashiers calling the divider sticks “butt-scratchers,” and other gloriously terrible supermarket vibes. We keep it punchy and sarcastic, with quick laughs and one-liners instead of a lecture. Stick around for the finale — the number-one sign is a doozy and I’m not spoiling it here.
Takeaways:
- I joked about a new Walmart Neighborhood Market on Spring Creek Road in Lowell, and my texts exploded, like immediate hot takes.
- I actually learned about real "supermarket syndrome" — bright lights and crowded shelves can make folks dizzy, nauseous, or disoriented.
- I riffed on a second kind of supermarket syndrome: that instant gut-punch regret when you realize this store is a mistake.
- We dropped a new Morning 6-Pack of silly warning signs you’re shopping at a bad grocery store, quick hits and sarcastic digs.
- Highlights I read: certified-organic doesn’t make you lord of the aisles, 'fresh chicken' after backroom cockfights, and tragic three-cheese selections.
- I saved the loudest punchline for the end — a gross charity-at-the-door gag about food safety — I’m not spoiling the number-one bit.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And apparently I struck a nerve earlier this morning.
Speaker A:I mentioned that Lowell's getting a new Walmart neighborhood market.
Speaker A:Made a few comments about that and signs of a bad grocery store.
Speaker A:I've gotten a ton of text messages about this thing.
Speaker A:Some people have got some pretty strong opinions about where they buy their groceries.
Speaker A:So if you missed it, Walmart's building a new neighborhood market at Spring Creek Road in West Monroe in Lowell.
Speaker A:So you know what?
Speaker A:Three quarters of a mile west of the interstate, and with Lowell's population expected to well more than double over the next 20 years or so, it makes sense that we're going to see a lot more development.
Speaker A:But some people say we've already got too many Walmarts and others are concerned about traffic and the competition with harps and.
Speaker A:And apparently half of northwest Arkansas is still crossing their fingers for a Costco wish in one hand, do other things in the other.
Speaker A:But there's something interesting that I just learned.
Speaker A:I think, you know, my algorithm's listening to my show.
Speaker A:Did you know there's an actual medical phenomenon that's called supermarket syndrome?
Speaker A:I'm serious about this.
Speaker A:It's visually induced dizziness.
Speaker A:Some people actually get dizzy, nauseous or disoriented when they go grocery shopping.
Speaker A:All the bright lights, the crowded shelves, all the people moving about, it confuses your brain's balance system.
Speaker A:For some folks anyway.
Speaker A:So here I thought the only thing at the grocery store that could make you dizzy was looking at the price of ground beef.
Speaker A:Now this is a real thing.
Speaker A:But I do think there's another kind of supermarket syndrome.
Speaker A:And it's that feeling you get when you walk into a grocery store and you immediately, no, you made a terrible decision going there.
Speaker A:Earlier, we counted down six warning signs that you're shopping at a bad grocery store.
Speaker A:But with all this grocery store controversy and an actual medical condition named after supermarkets, I decided this subject deserves a second helping.
Speaker A:So, six new, completely different signs.
Speaker A:You're shopping at a bad grocery store.
Speaker B:Well, gather round folks.
Speaker B:It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.
Speaker B:Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker B:Here comes the fun.
Speaker B:It's the morning.
Speaker B:6Pm.
Speaker A:Yeah, this is six totally new signs that you're shopping at a bad grocery store.
Speaker A:Number six, even though they have certified organic products, buying them doesn't instantly make everyone around bow down to your overwhelming superiority.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker A:They don't?
Speaker A:That's crazy.
Speaker A:Number five, they have the freshest chicken, but only after the cockfights are over in the back.
Speaker A:Parking lot number four.
Speaker A:They only offer three cheeses at this supermarket.
Speaker A:American, Swiss and tow number three.
Speaker A:The name of the store is partial foods.
Speaker A:Number two.
Speaker A:What you call those grocery divider sticks.
Speaker A:What we call them grocery divider sticks.
Speaker A:The cashiers are calling them butt scratchers.
Speaker A:And the number one sign that you are definitely at a terrible grocery store.
Speaker A:The charity asking for donations at the door is to help victims of food poisoning.
