Episode 452
Morning 6-Pack - The Soda Personality Test I Made Up On-Air
Instacart’s state-by-state soda map proves Dr. Pepper rules 17 states while Coca Cola somehow only comes out on top in three — wild, right? So we grabbed that fizzy map and ran it through the Morning 6-Pack: six quick, sarcastic takes on what your favorite soda says about you. I toss out fast burns — like Mountain Dew = clearly high, Fanta = orange-energy nostalgia — and poke fun at regional weirdness (looking at you, ginger-ale-loving Northeast). We keep it snappy, silly, and just judgmental enough to make your commute better. Stick around if you wanna hear the one that basically translates to “I fought in Gettysburg” and to find out which soda gets the best final roast — I’m not spoiling the top punchline.
Takeaways:
- I was shocked Coke only topped three states; Dr Pepper straight-up dominated seventeen, mostly South and Midwest.
- We laughed that the Northeast went hard for ginger ale — Canada Dry, Schweppes, Vernors, very particular palates.
- I pointed out Mountain Dew, Diet Dew, and Fanta claiming several states — youth energy and orange nostalgia vibes.
- We riffed a silly breakfast 'personality test' where your fave soda supposedly reveals weird stereotypes about you.
- I joked Pepsi only winning Delaware smells like tax math, while Fanta's relegated to childhood birthday aisle memories.
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack and Instacart has released a state by state map of the most popular sodas ordered through their service.
Speaker A:And somehow Coca Cola is only number one in three states.
Speaker A:Three.
Speaker A:That feels like it should be illegal.
Speaker A:I mean, Coca Cola is so American you would think it would automatically win a bunch of places.
Speaker A:But no.
Speaker A:The real national powerhouse is Dr. Pepper.
Speaker A:Dr. Pepper is number one in 17 states, mostly the south and Midwest.
Speaker A:Around here, it's not even close.
Speaker A:Dr. Pepper rules in Arkansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Texas.
Speaker A:We all want Dr. Pepper.
Speaker A:Coke versus Pepsi.
Speaker A:What a cute little national debate the doctor is in.
Speaker A:Although Texas picking Dr. Pepper makes sense because Dr. Pepper was born in Waco.
Speaker A:The Northeast, meanwhile, went weirdly hard for ginger ale.
Speaker A:Canada Dry is big in Maine, Maryland, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
Speaker A:Schweppes won New York State, Vernors won Michigan.
Speaker A:So apparently up there so does less refreshing treat and more.
Speaker A:My stomach feels weird, but I want bubbles.
Speaker A:Mountain Dew owns Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, South Carolina and Wisconsin.
Speaker A:Diet do with both Dakotas, Minnesota and Nebraska.
Speaker A:And Pepsi only won one state, which was Delaware, so I'm guessing it's tax related.
Speaker A:Fanta, orange 10 states.
Speaker A:Of course, America looked at orange soda and said, no thanks, appreciate your work at childhood birthday parties.
Speaker A:But now we're.
Speaker A:We're good.
Speaker A:And now that we've examined which sodas are the most popular in which states, let's examine the top six things that your favorite soda says about you.
Speaker B:Well, gather round folks.
Speaker B:It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.
Speaker B:Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker B:Here comes the fun.
Speaker B:It's the morning six pack.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:It's time to take a look at the top six things that your favorite soda says about you.
Speaker A:A little personality test for you.
Speaker A:Number six, if your favorite soda is Mountain Dew.
Speaker A:Clearly that says I'm high.
Speaker A:Number five, Fanta says I like my soda like my president orange.
Speaker A:Number four, Your favorite soda is Sierra Mist.
Speaker A:It says I'm currently someplace that doesn't serve Sprite.
Speaker A:Number three, if your favorite soda is ginger ale, it says I'm white.
Speaker A:Number two, if your favorite soda is Fresca, it says I fought in Gettysburg.
Speaker A:And the number one thing your favorite soda says about you.
Speaker A:Number one, if it is Coke Zero.
Speaker A:I convinced myself that soda can be healthy.
