Episode 42
Morning 6-Pack - The 6 Most Evil Things We All Can Agree On!
Alright, folks, grab your morning java and buckle up 'cause we’re diving into some hilariously wicked territory! Did you know that a whopping 47% of Americans claim they’ve never done anything they consider evil? Like, seriously? C’mon, we all know someone who’s unplugged a charger just to watch the world burn! 😂 Join me as we break down the top six things that are undeniably 1000% pure evil, from leaving voicemails (ugh, the horror!) to the absolute monstrosity of handing out raisins on Halloween. And of course, we’ll sprinkle in some laughs and maybe even roast a few Texas Longhorns fans along the way. So, let’s get this shindig started and redefine what it really means to be “evil” with some giggles thrown in!
Ever wonder what makes someone evil? Well, turns out 47% of Americans think they’re as pure as the driven snow, claiming they’ve never done anything evil. But wait—20% are unsure, and a cheeky 10% admit they’ve only dipped their toes in the dark side once or twice! Spoiler alert: those numbers are just the tip of the iceberg. We dive into the nitty-gritty of what people consider evil—like, is it unplugging a buddy’s phone charger while they’re not looking? Or are we talking full-on villainy here? Join Haystack as he breaks down the survey results with his trademark humor, revealing that a whopping 93% of men think they’re the real deal when it comes to evil, while only 13% of women confess to their wicked ways. But don’t worry, Haystack’s here to help define evil for all of us, with a hilarious list of the top six things we can all agree are pure, unadulterated evil. Spoiler alert: leaving a voicemail instead of texting makes the cut! Buckle up for a wild ride, because this morning 6-pack is packed with laughs, puns, and a whole lotta relatable banter that’ll have you questioning your own evil tendencies!
Takeaways:
- Haystack dives into the wild world of evil deeds, with a poll revealing 47% of folks claiming they've never done anything evil. Really?
- We broke down the gender stats and discovered 93% of men consider themselves evil, while only 13% of women do. Yikes!
- Watch out for the top six things that are totally, undeniably evil—like leaving voicemails instead of just texting!
- Who knew giving out raisins on Halloween could make you a monster? Haystack definitely thinks so!
- Find out why being a Texas Longhorns fan made it onto our list of evil things, and trust me, it’s not pretty!
- And the ultimate evil? Being Meghan Markle! We’re just here for the laughs, folks!
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:Have you ever done anything that you would consider to be evil?
Speaker A:There is a new poll in which 47% of Americans claim they have never, ever done anything they consider evil.
Speaker A:20% say they're not sure, 10% say yes, but only one time.
Speaker A:And another 18% said they have and more than once.
Speaker A:So let's be honest, that's probably more than two times.
Speaker A:Let's say all the time they do evil stuff all the time.
Speaker A:The gender breakdown, no surprise here.
Speaker A:93% of men, evil all the time, 13% of women.
Speaker A:That is why they are the fair gender.
Speaker A:Not that I'm kissing up.
Speaker A:They did not define evil.
Speaker A:However, in this survey, they left it up to each person to define evil for themselves.
Speaker A:So we could be talking about unplugging someone else's phone charger.
Speaker A:Oh, how dare you to.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:We could be talking about murder.
Speaker A:Any excuse to play Dr.
Speaker A:Evil.
Speaker A:Laugh.
Speaker A:Yeah, I keep trying to start and I just keep laughing.
Speaker A:The problem is, again, in this survey, they never define what evil is.
Speaker A:So I think we need to do that for them.
Speaker A: l agree are truly, undeniably: Speaker A:Best way to start your day.
Speaker A:These six jokes.
Speaker A:He's about to say, listen up.
Speaker A:For old Haystack to crack open the Mooring six pack one more time.
Speaker A: l agree are truly, undeniably: Speaker A:Number six, leaving a voicemail instead of texting.
Speaker A:Now, I'm going to make an admission here.
Speaker A:I just put that one in to try to be relevant with the kids.
Speaker A:I will still leave a voicemail occasionally, but I try to make it entertaining.
Speaker A:It's almost always goofy and not serious at all.
Speaker A:All right, number five, having a cash bar at a wedding.
Speaker A:How dare you.
Speaker A:Number four, giving out raisins on Halloween, you monsters.
Speaker A:Number three, bringing napkins or paper plates to the potluck, you dull.
Speaker A:Number two, being a Texas Longhorns fan.
Speaker A:You had to know that was on the list somewhere.
Speaker A:Come on.
Speaker A:But it wasn't number one.
Speaker A: ll agree is truly, undeniably: Speaker A:SHE SOBS.
