Episode 527
Morning 6-Pack - Six road rules we all agree to (maybe)
Always use your turn signal — 87% of Reddit says so, and yeah, I'm with the blink-it gang. I crack open a Morning 6-Pack of “universal rules of the road,” zipping through the stuff everyone secretly agrees on (and the stuff that makes you wanna honk). We roast people who take forever backing out of a spot, mock the genius idea of doing eyeliner at a stoplight, and laugh at folks who treat the check-engine light like a friendly suggestion. Quick jokes, sarcastic takes, and some loud common sense — and I save the top rule for last, so you gotta listen to hear the kicker.
Takeaways:
- I break down a Reddit poll: about 87% of folks say you should always use your turn signal.
- We roast the people who dawdle backing out of parking spots — I'm convinced there's a special level of hell.
- I mock drivers who skip tiny courtesies, pointing out that blinking a turn signal literally takes one finger.
- We rattle off six goofy, universal road rules — from eyeliner-at-stoplight tips to treating the check engine light like optional advice.
- The show's fast, sarcastic vibe keeps it light and leaves the best final punchline unspoiled for listeners.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And there's an age old philosophy.
Speaker A:What is it?
Speaker A:If somebody uses their turn signal on a forest road in the middle of nowhere and nobody's around to see it, did they waste a blinker?
Speaker A:I think that's something about that.
Speaker A:Or a tree or.
Speaker A:Anyway, apparently according to the Internet, or at least 87% of the Internet, no, they did not waste a blinker.
Speaker A:A poll on Reddit said, should you always use your turn signal?
Speaker A:And everyone said, yes, absolutely, always.
Speaker A:87% Did.
Speaker A:Anyway, they said, it's never okay to not use your turn signal.
Speaker A:10% Said, well, it's.
Speaker A:It's okay to not use it if your intentions are obvious.
Speaker A:Like if you're sitting in a left turn only lane.
Speaker A:Although I would argue the entire point of a turn signal is, I don't want to have to study your vehicle like I'm solving a crime.
Speaker A:I shouldn't have to go, okay, he's slowing down, he's drifting, right?
Speaker A:Oh, there, there's a Starbucks.
Speaker A:Statistically, no, Just blink the little stinking light.
Speaker A:And then there's a tiny number of people, thankfully just a tiny number who said turn signals aren't necessary at all and think that they're stupid and should never be used.
Speaker A:I would love to meet those people.
Speaker A:Although not at an intersection, because using a turn signal may be the easiest courtesy in modern society.
Speaker A:It's literally moving one finger.
Speaker A:We have somehow reached the point where communicating your intentions with a flick of your wrist is asking people too much.
Speaker A:Again, 87% of drivers do think that we should always use our turn signals, so that's good.
Speaker A:But they say always, no matter what.
Speaker A:Period.
Speaker A:Full stop, no cap, always.
Speaker A:And I think there are a few more truly universal rules of the road.
Speaker B:The best way to start your day.
Speaker B:These six jokes.
Speaker B:He's about to say, listen up for old haystack to crack open a morning six pack.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:Six universal rules of the road.
Speaker A:The six other things that everybody can absolutely agree on.
Speaker A:Number six, there is a special level of hell for people who take their time backing out of a parking spot when we're waiting to take said parking spot.
Speaker A:Number five, the best time to apply eyeliner is at a stoplight.
Speaker A:Number four, green means go.
Speaker A:Yellow means go faster.
Speaker A:Red means go faster while hollering yee haw.
Speaker A:Three, the check engine light.
Speaker A:Just a suggestion.
Speaker A:Number two, it's not enough to just pass somebody when they're driving slow on the highway.
Speaker A:You also have to glare at the in.
Speaker A:And the number one universally accepted rule of the road that everyone can agree on.
Speaker A:God gave us knees so we could steer while we're texting.
