Episode 441
Morning 6-Pack - Six low-key items people totally admit to stealing
A new LendingTree survey finds 30% of Americans admit to shoplifting — yeah, almost one in three. And 90% of those folks say inflation or the crappy economy played a part, so nah, we’re not just blaming that one weird cousin. Look, stealing is wrong, full stop — gotta say it, even if I joke about it. So we ripped into the Morning 6-Pack and counted down the top six things it’s “okay” to swipe (lightheartedly) — think toilet paper, mini-golf pencils, tiny hotel shampoos and other petty freebies. I’m not spoiling the number-one bit here — tune in for fast jokes, sarcastic banter, and me pretending this is all just for giggles.
Takeaways:
- I point out a LendingTree survey where 30% admit to shoplifting, wild but true.
- We note 90% of people who admitted to shoplifting say inflation or the crappy economy played a role.
- I joke that self-checkout turned us into unpaid cashiers and that 'unexpected item' is pure despair.
- We run a fast Morning 6-Pack of 'okay to steal' stuff — toilet paper, mini golf pencils, soda refills, hotel toiletries, and extra drive-thru napkins.
- I roast retail paranoia — razor blades locked up, shampoo needing a security clearance like it's top secret.
Transcript
Good morning, I'm Haystack and goodness gracious, there is a new survey from Lending tree that finds 30% of Americans.
Speaker A:That's nearly one out of three.
Speaker A:30% Admit that they shoplift or have shoplifted.
Speaker A:That's not one weird cousin and some feller in cargo shorts.
Speaker A:A third of people.
Speaker A:It's like a whole sample line at Sam's Club.
Speaker A:The stuff people are stealing is not exactly Ocean's Eleven either.
Speaker A:It's simple stuff.
Speaker A:Staples, food, drinks, clothes, hygiene products.
Speaker A:It's not glamorous Criminal mastermind.
Speaker A:It's, it's.
Speaker A:Oh no, the grocery cart hit $146.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And somebody made a bad decision near the self checkout.
Speaker A:Look, obviously stealing is wrong.
Speaker A:Full stop.
Speaker A:Okay, I've gotta say that disclaimer.
Speaker A:This is a radio program, not a manifesto.
Speaker A:But the Survey says that 90% of people who admitted to shoplifting say that inflation or the economy played a role.
Speaker A:That's pretty bleak.
Speaker A:Self checkout has made it even weirder because now all of us are unpaid cashiers under these fluorescent lights while some machine accuses us of putting an unexpected item in the bagging area.
Speaker A:Yes, that unexpected item is despair.
Speaker A:Retailers are worried, consumers are stressed, prices are high, and everyone's pretending that this honor system is going great.
Speaker A:While we're locking up razor blades like they're nuclear codes.
Speaker A:America has reached a strange place where shampoo needs a security clearance and 30%, three out of 10 admit to shoplifting.
Speaker A:Although if we're truly being Honest, we know 10 out of 10Americans are guilty of swiping stuff from today's list of the top six things that are actually okay to steal.
Speaker B:Well, gather round folks.
Speaker B:It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.
Speaker B:Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker B:Here comes the fun.
Speaker B:It's the morning six pack.
Speaker A:The top six things that are okay to steal.
Speaker A:Coming in at number six, toilet paper.
Speaker A:Now, now, from work, obviously don't, don't try that at the Walmart.
Speaker A:Number five, the golf pencil from Mini Golf.
Speaker A:I mean, if it costs a fraction of a cent, you can keep it.
Speaker A:Number four, refills at the soda machine.
Speaker A:And you get bonus points if you do it with the water cup.
Speaker A:Number three, hotel toiletries.
Speaker A:I mean, that mini shampoo bottle is part of your roommate, right?
Speaker A:Number two, extra napkins at the drive thru.
Speaker A:It's not stealing, it's building a glovebox emergency kit.
Speaker A:And the number one thing that's okay to steal your kids Halloween candy because the parent tax is protected by federal law, I think.
