Episode 489
Morning 6-Pack - Six goofy hacks to turn your 7.5 house into a 10
Mortgage rates are back near 7%, so a lot of folks are stuck loving their houses — the average homeowner gave theirs a 7.5 out of 10. I’m Haystack and we ripped off a speedy Morning 6‑Pack with six goofy, practical ways to nudge that 7.5 into a 10. We throw out ideas like an instant bidet from the sink, a stripper pole in the game room, clearing the fridge down to beer and pizza rolls, and paving the backyard so you never mow again. It’s fast, sarcastic, and weirdly helpful — basically home improvement meets compromise with your mortgage. We save the wildest finale for the show, so listen if you want the full punchline and a bunch of dumb, useful ideas.
Takeaways:
- We laugh but I warn: mortgage rates near 7% make moving feel painfully expensive, so we stay.
- I point out the average homeowner gives their place a solid 7.5 out of 10, cute and real.
- We joke about the toxic love thing — if you’re stuck at 3.2% interest, you basically never move, lol.
- I share that almost half of homeowners are renovating instead, trying to make a 7.5 become a perfect 10.
- We give silly top-six tips — instant bidet, stripper pole, concrete backyard, pizza-roll-only fridge, or kick out the fam.
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:Haystack with you.
Speaker A:Mortgage rates are back near 7%, which is not good.
Speaker A:It also means that a lot of Americans are looking at their current house and saying, you know what?
Speaker A:Maybe I do love this place.
Speaker A:A new survey says that the average homeowner rates their home a 7.5 out of 10.
Speaker A:That's pretty good.
Speaker A:That's not bad.
Speaker A:Seven and a half on average.
Speaker A:So it's basically I love you house.
Speaker A:I mean, your closet situation's a little embarrassing, but you're doing pretty good.
Speaker A:One out of five homeowners say they are currently looking to break up with their home.
Speaker A:Maybe the repairs are too much, maybe the neighbors are too noisy, critters moved in, water damage, walls cracking, maybe.
Speaker A:Maybe their financial situation has changed, or maybe the house is entering its constant attention era.
Speaker A:But with mortgage rates where they're at, breaking up with your house is complicated because your house may be annoying, but there's a pretty good chance it has your old interest rate.
Speaker A:So it's basically a toxic relationship.
Speaker A:Now you think to yourself, yeah, the basement smells weird, the garage door screams a raccoon, thinks it has squatters rights.
Speaker A:But baby girl, you're at 3.2%.
Speaker A:So we're staying together forever.
Speaker A:So instead of Moving, nearly half, 46% of homeowners say they're trying to turn their current home into their dream home, whether that be with a new kitchen or better landscaping, more storage or bigger closets.
Speaker A:And it's kind of adorable when you think about it.
Speaker A:I mean, we all know that the real American dream is not just home ownership.
Speaker A:It's having enough storage to hide the evidence of home ownership.
Speaker A:But again, people giving home a 7.5 rating out of 10 on average sounds pretty great.
Speaker A:That's not bad.
Speaker A:But it's, it's not perfect.
Speaker A:Let's see if we can come up with at least, I don't know, six ways to turn that 7.5 home into a 10.
Speaker B:Well, gather round folks.
Speaker B:It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.
Speaker B:Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker B:Here comes the fun.
Speaker B:It's the morning.
Speaker B:Six, six pack.
Speaker A:These are the top six ways to turn your home into a 10.
Speaker A:To take your home from a 7.5 to a 10.
Speaker A:Number six, run a hose from the bathroom sink to the toilet.
Speaker A:Instant bidet.
Speaker A:Number five, add a stripper pole to the game room.
Speaker A:Number four, drive your home to a nicer neighborhood.
Speaker A:It only applies to some of us.
Speaker A:Number three, clear out everything from the refrigerator except for beer and pizza rolls.
Speaker A:Number two, cover the entire backyard in concrete so you never, ever have to mow again.
Speaker A:And the number one way to take your home from a 7.5 to a 10.
Speaker A:Well, duh.
Speaker A:Get rid of the family that you share it with.
