Episode 120
Morning 6-Pack - Resolutions? Nah, Let's Taco 'Bout Quitters Day!
Morning 6-Pack - Happy Quitters Day, y'all! We're diving into the most magical day of the year where gym clothes give us the side-eye and our willpower takes a vacation. Yep, it's that time when 80% of us wave goodbye to our New Year’s resolutions just a couple of weeks in. But hey, if you’re still crushing it with your kale smoothies and protein shakes, strut your stuff like the fitness diva you are! We’ve got some hilariously “legit” reasons to ditch those goals today, plus a few laughs about how to celebrate Quitters Day in style—think sweatpants, Taco Bell, and documentaries about people who actually have willpower. So kick back, grab a snack, and let’s embrace the glory of giving up together!
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:And today.
Speaker A:You know what day it is?
Speaker B:It is National Quitters Day.
Speaker A:Yep, the magical time of year, just a couple of weeks into January when your gym clothes are starting to look at you like, really?
Speaker A:This is how it ends?
Speaker B:Quitters day is always the second Friday.
Speaker A:Of January because we can make it.
Speaker B:One weekend without pizza or booze.
Speaker A:But two?
Speaker A:Two weekends?
Speaker A:That's like a human rights violation.
Speaker A:No, thank you.
Speaker A:By the second weekend, looking at the salad like, you know what lettuce is?
Speaker A:Bas.
Speaker A:Crunchy water.
Speaker A:And water doesn't love me back.
Speaker A:A study last year.
Speaker A: y two years ago now, study in: Speaker A:So if you're still going strong, if you're still meal prepping and hitting the gym and counting almonds, you've got permission to act smug as hell now.
Speaker A:I mean, just walk past everyone at work with your protein shake like, oh, you're having a muffin.
Speaker A:That's brave.
Speaker B:I love it.
Speaker A:They the surveys said that, as is pretty common, the top resolutions for this year, exercise more, be happier, eat healthier, and save money.
Speaker A:In other words, sweat more, smile more, chew kale, and cancel Netflix all at once.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Here, look.
Speaker A:If you want to get into Quitters day, though, here's how you do it right.
Speaker A:You, couch mode, zero exercise, order Taco Bell, eat it in your sweatpants while watching a documentary about people who do have willpower.
Speaker A:Make sure you spend $38 on Door Dash for that $7 crunch wrap.
Speaker A:Because nothing says New Year, new me like going into debt for nacho fries.
Speaker A:Happy Quitters Day.
Speaker A:May your snacks be plentiful, your sweatpants forgiving, and your guilt minimal.
Speaker A:In fact, speaking of minimal guilt, I think I should help you out.
Speaker A:Here are six perfectly legitimate reasons to give up on your New Year's resolution today.
Speaker C:Best way to start your day, These six jokes he's about.
Speaker C:Listen up.
Speaker C:For old Haystack, crack open the moor.
Speaker C:Six pack.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Six perfectly legitimate reasons to give up your New Year's resolution today.
Speaker B:Number six, smoking toughens the lungs.
Speaker B:Number five, canceling your gym membership will save $35 a month.
Speaker B:Number four, if you don't eat Twinkies, they're just going to decompose in a landfill and pollute the earth.
Speaker B:Number Hulk Hogan worked out all the.
Speaker A:Time, and he's dead.
Speaker B:Sorry, Dustin.
Speaker B:Number two, your drinking keeps bartenders employed.
Speaker A:Two nights a week.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:Four nights a week.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Every night of the week.
Speaker B:And the number one perfectly legitimate reason to give up on your New Year's resolution today.
Speaker A:If God did not want you to curse, he would have not made you an Arkansas Razorback fan.
