Episode 525
Morning 6-Pack - 6 Signs They're Not 'The One' (I call out the obvious red flags)
If you're happy, it might not matter whether they're "the one" — but if you're freaking out, I cracked open a Morning 6-Pack of six dead-giveaway signs they're probably not. We even toss in the survey tea — people admit they've been wrong about "the one" more than once and only about 41% of singles still believe in soulmate magic — so yeah, no pressure. I run through stuff like forgetting your name/anniversary and the classic chick who films you choking for Instagram likes — relationship chemistry or social media stunt? You decide. It's fast, sarcastic, and kinda brutal: the goal is choosing someone who shows up, not an endless audition tour. Stick around for the countdown — we roast, we joke, and the final sign lands like a punchline you didn't know you needed.
Takeaways:
- I argue that hunting for 'the one' is overrated — loving someone doesn't need Mount Doom-level drama, lol.
- We cite stats: only 41% of singles expect a soulmate, and 20% of partnered people doubt their relationship's singular destiny.
- I point out most people 'find the one' multiple times — it's more trial-and-error dinner dates than fate, tbh.
- We list six hilarious red flags like forgetting your name, posting your choke moment, or calling you Brad Pitt during sex.
- My hot take: stop endless auditions — pick someone who looks like their profile pic, makes you laugh, and doesn't zap you with supernatural birthday lightning.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And if you are in a happy relationship, does it matter if your partner is the one?
Speaker A:Because only 41% of single people believe they're going to find this mythical, magical, one perfect soulmate.
Speaker A:And I got to be honest, I feel like that's.
Speaker A:That's pretty healthy.
Speaker A:The one seems like a lot of pressure.
Speaker A:I mean, that's Middle Earth stuff.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:There is only one ring, one destiny, one volcano.
Speaker A:You know, a relationship should not require Mount Doom.
Speaker A:20% Of people already in relationships say they don't think their partner is their one true love.
Speaker A:And that seems maybe a little harsh until you think about it.
Speaker A:I mean, maybe they don't believe in one true love at all.
Speaker A:Maybe they believe there are several people you could build a good life with.
Speaker A:And the important part is just choosing one and not continuing to run auditions across the rest of earth trying to find the perfect one.
Speaker A:So the average person, according to a survey, says they think they have found the one twice before realizing no.
Speaker A:And a third say they've been wrong even more than that.
Speaker A:I mean, that's not destiny.
Speaker A:That's a trial and error with dinner reservations.
Speaker A:And meanwhile, singles say they have not had a genuinely good date in almost a year and a half.
Speaker A:A year.
Speaker A:I'm jealous.
Speaker A:Lot longer than that for me anyway.
Speaker A:Maybe the goal is not finding the one.
Speaker A:Maybe the goal is to start with someone who just actually looks like their profile picture.
Speaker A:Either way, if you're stuck on this whole are they the one thing?
Speaker A:I've got some signs that'll help you know, if they're definitely not the one.
Speaker B:Best way to start your day.
Speaker B:These six jokes he's about to say listen up for old haystack to crack open a morning six pack.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:These are the top six signs that your partner is absolutely not the one.
Speaker A:Number six.
Speaker A:Number six.
Speaker A:Number.
Speaker A:Apparently my cans aren't working.
Speaker A:I never thought that was a phrase.
Speaker A:I would say.
Speaker A:Number six.
Speaker B:There it is.
Speaker A:Number six.
Speaker A:He forgets your anniversary and your birthday and your name.
Speaker A:Number five.
Speaker A:When you start choking at dinner, she pulls out her phone to post it to Instagram.
Speaker A:Number four.
Speaker A:She calls out your name during sex as long as your name is Brad Pitt.
Speaker A:Number three.
Speaker A:After he makes a birthday wish and blows out the candles, you get struck by lightning.
Speaker A:2.
Speaker A:When the Bachelor ends with the proposal, she says, how sad.
Speaker A:And the number one sign that your partner is probably not the one.
Speaker A:You still make her laugh, but only when you ask her if she loves you.
