Episode 261
Morning 6-Pack - 6 Hilarious Things to Do at the Mall!
Malls are making a bit of a comeback, and guess who's behind it? Yup, today's teens! But hold up, they’re also getting banned from some malls—talk about a twist! We dive into the ridiculousness of malls wanting those young shoppers to bring the energy but also keeping an eye on the chaos, like filming TikToks in the food court and causing mayhem. It's a wild ride of nostalgia and mayhem as we chat about those mall memories and throw down our top 6 things to do at the mall that don't involve shopping. Spoiler alert: it includes coin collecting and some questionable food choices! So grab your spork and let’s hit the mall (figuratively, of course)!
Takeaways:
- Malls are sneaky reviving, but they're putting the smack down on teens with chaperones.
- Teenagers are back in malls, but not without adult supervision – it's like babysitting meets shopping spree!
- The mall experience is more than shopping; it's about collecting fountain coins and attempting spork skills at Panda Express.
- The struggle is real for mall owners – they need the youth for life but also wish to keep chaos contained.
Transcript
It's haystack.
Speaker A:And for the past decade it has felt like shopping malls could become a thing of the past.
Speaker A:And to be fair, plenty did turn into ghost towns.
Speaker A:But now malls are making a little bit of a comeback and it's thanks to today's teenagers.
Speaker A:Believe it or not, malls are returning the favor by banning the teenagers.
Speaker A:Well, of course they are.
Speaker A:According to the Wall Street Journal, teenagers have been staging these takeovers and other chaos and of course a lot of it filmed for social media.
Speaker A:Not to mention the same old punkish mall rat debauchery that's always fostered a love hate relationship between malls and teens.
Speaker A:Now, some malls and the stores inside, banning shoppers under 18 without an adult chaperone or 21 under 21 without an adult chaperone.
Speaker A:And that's not really a new policy, but it is kind of tricky.
Speaker A:I mean, these malls and these mall shops need young shoppers to breathe life into these malls that are already kind of some of them hanging on by a thread.
Speaker A:But they also do need and want to keep people safe.
Speaker A:They want to keep the businesses from being looted by teenagers who steal or damage merchandise.
Speaker A:One mall boss said we just want them shopping and not being disruptive.
Speaker A:Well, yeah, of course you do.
Speaker A:The adult chaperone thing has helped to reduce mischief and mayhem and stealing.
Speaker A:But a lot of parents don't have time or desire to babysit teenagers for hours.
Speaker A:So it's not a perfect solution.
Speaker A:I mean, that's why they get dropped off or sent to the mall.
Speaker A:They treat them all like a big babysitter.
Speaker A:I don't know, maybe we should employ some of the baby boomers who just go to the mall to people watch and walk the mall.
Speaker A:That way they can narc on disorderly kids.
Speaker A:I mean, you've got to be at least a little bit less likely to be a TikTok troublemaker.
Speaker A:If there's a real threat, grandpa's going to drag you to security by your ear.
Speaker A:Although to be fair, it is neat to see malls kind of being revitalized.
Speaker A:And just because times are tough financially does not mean that you can't enjoy the mall.
Speaker A:I've got at least six fun things you can do at the mall other than shop.
Speaker B:Well, gather round folks.
Speaker B:It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.
Speaker B:Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker B:Here comes the fun.
Speaker B:It's the morning six pack.
Speaker B:All right, these are the top six things to do at the mall other than shop.
Speaker B:Number six collect coins from the fountain.
Speaker B:Those are for us, right?
Speaker B:That's what they're for.
Speaker B:Number five, try eating Panda Express noodles with a spork.
Speaker B:Number four, buy weed from the cashier at Hot Topic.
Speaker B:Number three, blow through a stop sign and laugh while the mall cop chases you in a golf cart.
Speaker B:Number two, count how many napkins it takes to sop the grease off your slice of Sbarro.
Speaker B:The number one fun thing to do at the mall other than shop?
Speaker A:Get drunk with the guy playing Santa Claus.
