Episode 447
I gave my dead bush an Instagram filter to troll the HOA
A woman went viral after her HOA kept fining her $45 over a dead bush, so she spray‑painted it green — boom, instant landscaping witness protection. I love that move; there's something poetic about a can of Krylon telling Becky, "Not dead anymore, huh?" HOAs are supposed to guard property values but mostly just jack up your blood pressure — Becky shows up telling you to move your trash can six inches like she owns the place. Once you start coughing up fines, it's not about the bush anymore, it's personal, and yeah I'd paint every leaf and slap an Instagram filter on that thing. The HOA devil wears a visor and drives a golf cart, but I'm cheering for the homeowner to keep painting the neighborhood until Becky cries uncle.
Takeaways:
- I laughed when she spray-painted her dead bush green after getting fined forty-five bucks for it.
- We mocked the HOA as petty and controlling — like Becky shows up demanding your trash can move six inches.
- I said replacing the bush misses the point; she’s turned the shrub into a veteran of the neighborhood culture war.
- We joked the HOA devil wears a visor, drives a golf cart, and fines you for lawns being 'too joyful.'
- My take: keep painting everything green, mess with Becky politely, and let the fines turn into comedic payback.
- I riffed that once you've paid repeated fines, the yard stops being about aesthetics and becomes battlefield art — spray paint, leaf extensions, whatever it takes to confuse Becky and make the HOA inspector question their eyesight.
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's haystack.
Speaker A:And a homeowners association is supposed to keep property values high, but mostly they keep your blood pressure high.
Speaker A:It's pretty bad.
Speaker A:You buy a house, the biggest purchase of your life, and immediately some woman named Becky appears like, congratulations.
Speaker A:Now move your trash can 6 inches.
Speaker A:This woman has gone viral because her HOA kept fining her $45 over a dead bush.
Speaker A:And she did what I would think any reasonable homeowner pushed to the edge would do.
Speaker A:She spray painted the bush green, which is, of course, not really landscaping.
Speaker A:It's witness protection for vegetation out there with a can of Krylon going, it's not dead anymore, is it, Becky?
Speaker A:I love this.
Speaker A:You know, at some point, you stop trying to satisfy the HOA and you just start trying to confuse them.
Speaker A:The HOA inspector drives by Tuesday morning.
Speaker A:Wait a minute.
Speaker A:Yesterday, that bush was dead.
Speaker A:Well, Becky, have you considered a miracle?
Speaker A:Praise the Lord.
Speaker A:Close the violations.
Speaker A:People online commented and said, why don't you just replace the bush?
Speaker A:Because that's not the point anymore.
Speaker A:It's not about the bush.
Speaker A:Once I've paid $3, $45 fines, that Bush and I are going to war together.
Speaker A:I'm not replacing that bush.
Speaker A:He's a veteran now.
Speaker A:I'll paint every leaf individually.
Speaker A:I'll put little green extensions on him.
Speaker A:By Friday, that bush is gonna look like he's got an Instagram filter.
Speaker A:This is the problem with the homeowners association.
Speaker A:They always claim they're protecting the neighborhood.
Speaker A:Protecting the neighborhood from what?
Speaker A:My mailbox being eggshell instead of colonial whisper?
Speaker A:Hoas are absolutely of the devil.
Speaker A:And I don't mean the dramatic devil with horns and fire.
Speaker A:No, the HOA devil wears a visor and drives a golf cart and says things like, we noticed your grass is 3/4 of an inch too joyful.
Speaker A:That's how you know you're in hell.
Speaker A:Because in regular hell, at least the devil owns the place.
Speaker A:In an hoa, you own the house, and somehow, Becky is still your landlord.
Speaker A:I hope this woman keeps painting that bush.
Speaker A:Paint the grass, paint the flowers, paint the whole damn yard green.
Speaker A:And when Becky comes by with another $45 fine, just smile and say, careful, Becky, I've got another can of spray paint, and your house is looking a little dead.
Speaker B:No trash cans inside, no weeds may bloom.
Speaker B:One rogue dandelion, it's your doom.
Speaker B:Sacrifice a goat to the board each May, and don't you dare Pa. Park in your own damn driveway.
