Episode 591
Cybertruck’s Headed to the Junkyard
Tesla's winding down Cybertruck production next year — yeah, Elon said it, and we get to make fun of it. I rant about why it tanked: that 1987-computer-drawing look, the infamous unbreakable-window demo that totally backfired, and recall headaches (stuck accelerator pedals, body panels and even wheels acting sketchy). Sales speak loudest — under 12,000 Cybertrucks sold in the first nine months this year, down about 28% — so Tesla's clearing space to build self-driving taxis instead. I crack jokes about the truck looking like an IKEA leftover, a Waffle House ice machine, or a stainless-steel coffin (hey, I aim for tasteful), and riff on the fake ad: "Crazy Elon’s discontinued Cybertruck blowout." Bottom line: if you wanted one, get ready — they’re probably gonna get real cheap, and honestly, I’ll be first in line to watch the bargain circus.
Takeaways:
- I laugh at the Cybertruck's design — basically a stainless-steel IKEA reject that looks hilariously impractical.
- Elon announced Tesla will wind down Cybertruck production next year, which I honestly didn't see as shocking.
- We poke fun at the botched demos and recalls, like the 'unbreakable' windows that shattered onstage live.
- I point out the safety headaches: stuck accelerator pedals, body panels flying off, and wheels possibly coming loose.
- Sales tanked — fewer than 12,000 Cybertrucks sold in the first nine months, down 28%, so bargain prices might follow.
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:And it looks like the cyber truck is headed for the junkyard of automotive history.
Speaker A:Elon Musk announced on Friday that Tesla will be winding down production of that giant stainless steel electric pickup truck next year.
Speaker A:You know.
Speaker A:You know the cyber truck?
Speaker A: pickup truck on a computer in: Speaker A:Uh, okay, it's.
Speaker A:I guess someone doesn't like that one.
Speaker A:It's the, you know, the cybertruck.
Speaker A:It looks like somebody built a pickup truck using only the pieces left over from an IKEA bookshelf.
Speaker A:Looks like a stealth bomber that got rejected by the Air Force and took a job hauling mulch.
Speaker A:No, looks like a commercial ice machine that escaped from a Waffle House.
Speaker A:Looks like a transformer that got stuck halfway between a pickup truck and a public restroom.
Speaker A:That was a good one.
Speaker A:Looks like somebody asked AI to design a truck, but accidentally typed in industrial trash compactor.
Speaker A:Looks like a stainless steel coffin for a family of six.
Speaker A:It looks like a station wagon had a baby with a dumpster from behind a Radio Shack.
Speaker A:Okay, there we go.
Speaker A:That's the one they wanted.
Speaker A:Uh, when Elon unveiled it, he said that it was practically indestructible.
Speaker A:And so then they threw a steel ball at the supposedly unbreakable windows and broke both of the windows, which probably should have been a pretty good sign that things were not going to go well.
Speaker A:Since that time, they've had recalls because of accelerator pedals getting stuck, body panels flying off, wheels potentially coming loose.
Speaker A:It is the first pickup truck where you might need to check your mirrors to see if you're being passed by your own tire.
Speaker A:And the sales have not been great.
Speaker A:Tesla sold fewer than 12,000 cybertrucks in the first nine months of this year, so that's down 28%.
Speaker A:That's pretty bad, Elon saying that they are making room now in that factory to build self propelled driving taxis instead.
Speaker A:And look, no one appreciates innovation more than minority butt, but pickup trucks are supposed to be tough and dependable and capable of hauling stuff forever.
Speaker A:If you want a stainless steel box that costs a fortune, looks ridiculous, and occasionally falls apart, just remodel your kitchen.
Speaker A:There'll be 80 stainless steel appliances in there that fit the description.
Speaker A:But on the bright side, if you like cybertrucks, if you've always wanted one, I'm gonna guess that they're about to get very, very cheap.
Speaker A:Have you always dreamed of owning a cybertruck?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Well, we're still gonna forge ahead with Crazy Elon's discontinued cybertruck blowout.
Speaker B:Hey, it's me, Crazy Elon.
Speaker B:Now's your chance to save big on a truck that looks like a five year old with a fever.
Speaker B:Drew a picture of a DeLorean.
Speaker A:Tesla.
Speaker A:Stop making this humongous metallic travesty.
Speaker A:And we're passing the savings on to you.
Speaker B:I just blew a half billion dollars on the election, and I need to make that money back fast.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker C:Only thing bigger than Crazy Elon's discontinued cybertruck blowout is the cybertruck itself.
Speaker B:It won't fit in your garage, so you'll have to park it outside.
Speaker B:And then everyone will know where that jerk who drives the cybertruck lives.
Speaker C:Crazy Elon's discontinued cybertruck blowout.
Speaker B:I just want everyone to like me here.
