Episode 313
Alabama Bama on Throwing a Birthday Bash for America in a Kmart!
Alabama Bama is throwin' her own birthday bash for America down at the abandoned Kmart! 🎉 After a brief moment of devastation over the cancellation of the America 250 concert, our girl Bama bounced back like a rubber chicken and decided to make her own fireworks! 🎇 From DIY tattoo removals by the one and only Tater (who's definitely not qualified, but hey, who needs qualifications, right?) to Verna’s interpretive dance on a Rascal scooter, this party’s got all the chaotic charm you can handle. And guess what? Bama's headlining with her own rendition of "Ice Ice Baby" while chillin' in a kiddie pool full of Smirnoff Ice—talk about immersive theater! 🍹 But shhhh, don’t forget the details about that elusive permit—Bama’s got a plan involving a Dairy Queen gift card, so it’s all good! 😂 Buckle up, folks, this episode is jam-packed with laughs and some seriously questionable event planning!
Takeaways:
- Alabama Bama was super bummed about the America 250 concert getting canceled, but she bounced back quick!
- She’s throwing her own birthday bash for America at the old Kmart - roach foggers included!
- Tater's doing a live tattoo removal demo at the party, and spoiler: he's totally unqualified!
- Verna's interpretive dance while riding a Rascal scooter is gonna melt your heart and possibly your mind!
- Bama's headlining the party with a wild performance of Ice Ice Baby in a kiddie pool - immersive theater, folks!
- Attendance depends on how many friends can escape their ankle monitors - party planning at its finest!
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:It's time for my favorite time of the week when we chat with my dear old friend Bama down in rural Alabama.
Speaker A:She's joining us on the phone now.
Speaker A:And Bama, I know you were pretty excited about that big America 250 birthday concert.
Speaker A:How did you.
Speaker A:How did you take the news when it got cancelled?
Speaker B:Oh, crap, Haystack.
Speaker B:I was devastated for almost 17 minutes.
Speaker B:But then I remembered I'm an American and Americans solve problems.
Speaker A:Oh, no.
Speaker A:I'm kind of nervous already.
Speaker B:So I am a throwing my own birthday party for America down at the abandoned Kmart.
Speaker A:Wait, the abandoned Kmart?
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker B:I gotta set off a couple dozen roach foggers first, but she'll be ready in time.
Speaker A:I don't think that's how event venues work, Bama.
Speaker B:Well, that just shows what you know.
Speaker B:Haystack.
Speaker B:We've done got the entertainment booked.
Speaker A:Oh, no.
Speaker B:First up, Tater's gonna do a live DIY tattoo removal demonstration.
Speaker A:Wait, is Tater qualified to do that?
Speaker B:Absolutely not.
Speaker B:That's what makes it exciting.
Speaker A:Of course.
Speaker B:And then Verna's gonna perform Proud to be an American while doing an interpretive dance on a Rascal scooter.
Speaker A:An interpretive dance?
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:The last time she did it, she accidentally backed into a petting zoo and won third place in italic contest.
Speaker A:Ma', am, I'm not sure any of this makes any sense.
Speaker B:And then comes the headliner.
Speaker A:Oh, of course there's a headliner.
Speaker A:Who's the headliner?
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, it's me.
Speaker A:Oh, naturally.
Speaker B:I'm gonna perform Ice Ice Baby while standing in a kiddie pool full of smeared off ice.
Speaker B:I'm calling it immersive theater.
Speaker A:I think there are several reasons that that's a bad idea.
Speaker B:Oh, you're just jealous you didn't think of it first.
Speaker A:I'm not sure about that, but how many people are you expecting?
Speaker B:Well, it's hard to say.
Speaker B:It depends on how many folks get their ankle monitors approved for travel.
Speaker A:That's not usually how attendance projections for major events work.
Speaker B:Oh, whatever.
Speaker B:Anyway, I gots to go.
Speaker B:Haystack, the county is saying that we're gonna need a permit.
Speaker A:Well, you probably do need a permit,.
Speaker B:But that ain't nothing that a Dairy Queen gift card and a little charm can't fix.
Speaker A:Bama, that's not how permits work.
Speaker B:It is when you're doing a birthday party for America.
Speaker B:Happy birthday, America.
Speaker B:Y' all have a good day.
