Episode 435
Alabama Bama - CDC Calls After Sushi Shenanigans
Alabama Bama is back at it again, and this time, she's got a wild tale about a sushi mishap that spiraled into a whole medical mystery! Buckle up, because Bama’s got a knack for turning the ordinary into the downright bizarre. After trying to eat gas station sushi with some acrylic nails (don't ask!), she ended up with symptoms that even the CDC found questionable. Seriously, a clicking eyelid? Yikes! And just when you think it can't get any crazier, she mentions a Groupon for a root canal from a van labeled "Dental and More." Join us for this rollercoaster of absurdity as Haystack tries to keep his sanity while Bama spills the tea on her outlandish adventures!
Takeaways:
- Bama's wild sushi story takes a turn when she uses acrylic nails as chopsticks, resulting in a shocking health scare.
- The CDC gets involved after Bama's eyelid starts making a clicking sound—seriously, it was like a turn signal!
- Bama’s questionable life choices lead to a groupon for a root canal—60% off and numbing for just $12 extra!
- Who knew nail glue, listeria, and gout could be the recipe for a new disease?
- Bama claims she's been everywhere when asked about her mysterious illness, leaving the CDC baffled.
- Haystack tries to keep a straight face while Bama shares her latest escapades, but it’s a hilarious struggle!
Transcript
Good morning.
Speaker A:It's Haystack.
Speaker A:It's time for my favorite time of the week when we chat with my dear old friend Bama down in rural Alabama.
Speaker A:And Bama joins us on the phone now.
Speaker A:And Bama, did you hear about the researchers using artificial intelligence to create new viruses?
Speaker B:Oh, Haystack.
Speaker B:Yeah, big whoopty doo.
Speaker B:I seen it.
Speaker B:I been making new viruses since Kid Rock was in diapers.
Speaker A:Okay, that's not what I expected.
Speaker A:Not really something to brag about.
Speaker B:Oh, now, I ain't doing it on purpose.
Speaker B:I just gots a gift.
Speaker A:Wait, you got a gift for infectious diseases?
Speaker B:Well, apparently.
Speaker B:You see, this one time I got me some gas station sushi, but they did not give me nothing to eat it with.
Speaker A:Well, now, that should have been your first sign to stop.
Speaker B:Well, I'm a problem solver, Haystack.
Speaker B:I dug around in my purse and I found a couple acrylic nails down in the bottom.
Speaker B:So I used them like chopsticks.
Speaker B:Oh, Bama, it worked great.
Speaker B:I mean, had a little nail glue on them, a little purse lint, but you could really get ahold of a California roll.
Speaker A:And I'm guessing this story gets worse.
Speaker B:Well, a couple days later, I started having symptoms didn't nobody ever seen before.
Speaker B:I had chills and sweats, and my left eyelid was a making a clicking noise.
Speaker A:Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker A:Your eyelid was clicking?
Speaker B:Yeah, kind of like a turn signal.
Speaker B:It got so weird that the CDC called, asking ever where I'd been.
Speaker A:Oh, no.
Speaker A:What did you tell them?
Speaker B:Oh, I said, honey, I've been everywhere.
Speaker A:That's probably not the answer they were hoping for.
Speaker B:Well, they still ain't figured out exactly what it is I contracted, but the best theory is that some kind of reaction between nail glue and listeria and my pre existing gout.
Speaker A:Now, I don't think gout combines with other things to create new disease.
Speaker B:Well, you ain't seen my medical records.
Speaker A:Well, that's fair, Bama.
Speaker A:That's fair.
Speaker A:So what.
Speaker A:What else is on the agenda today?
Speaker B:Oh, I probably needs to get off here.
Speaker B:I bought me one of them groupons for a root canal, and today is the last day to use it.
Speaker A:Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Speaker A:You bought a groupon for a root canal?
Speaker B:60% Off haystack and for $12 extry, they'll numb both sides.
Speaker A:Oh, no.
Speaker A:Please tell me it's an actual dentist.
Speaker B:Well, it says dental and more on the van, so I'm sure it's fine.
Speaker A:Yeah, of course it does.
Speaker B:Yeah, I go.
Speaker B:Go get that root canal.
Speaker B:Y' all have good day now.
Speaker B:We'll talk to you later.
